Gash or Gold
by mercutio-rane
Summary: With a little help from his friends, Remus Lupin is going to come out of his shell whether he's ready or not! Just a fun little Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks dramady. Sirius and Harry make important appearances. COMPLETE!
1. In Vino Veritas

_This is my second fanfiction ever, so…uh, be kind! I've needed to blow off some steam lately and will write furiously when the need arises. Remus Lupin is a joy to explore, so there will be 8 chapters or so if anyone enjoys it and I need a pick-me-up. Any reviews will be consumed with great relish. Thanks in advance for reading, and I hope you enjoy it!_

_P.S. The title of this series will make more sense in later chapters._

**Gash or Gold **

**Chapter 1: "In Vino Veritas"**

Sirius glanced over at the boy sitting next to him at the kitchen table.

"Harry, you should be in bed."

"I know," Harry said, staying in his chair and taking another sip of his butterbeer.

Sirius smiled at his other two companions at the table – Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks – At times, the boy was so much like his father James.

The adults had stronger drinks, especially after the frightful revelations of the last few days. There were all sorts of mysteries to consider, but first and foremost, they had to protect Harry. And this little informal meeting had solidified many things for all of them – and probably their livers, as well, thought Sirius, as he gazed at the half gone jug of Zagwart on the table. Drinking at a time like this was not necessarily wise but definitely needed. It was nice, just sitting around the kitchen table talking, especially during this period when solace didn't come easily.

Sirius cast a furtive glance at his cousin Tonks and noted with amusement that she seemed right snockered as she stared moon-eyed at his old pal Moony. She had only consumed a few small shots, but Tonks had never been one to hold her liquor.

The young auror looked softly at Remus from across the table, his features flickering in the candlelight of the large crumbling mass of wax that was a beautiful pillar only two hours ago when they first sat down.

The flame Tonks carried for Remus had always glowed softly, but it seemed to her that the longer he failed to see it, the stronger it flared. And now, with a few drinks in her and a bad day behind her, Remus sat there with his bashful gaze and his entirely unintended charm. He looked deliciously vulnerable. Even in that enormous rumpled sweater….

_Time for bed, you silly girl_. Tonks drained the last of her nightcap and began to rise from her chair before a wave of impetuous heat washed over her. Suddenly Remus' bastion of clothing annoyed her beyond belief and she sat back down with a decisive plop.

"Remus, it's almost 90 degrees in here since that boggart locked himself in the temperature unit and broke it to pieces. Aren't you hot in that long jumper?"

Tonk's question caught him in mid swallow, but he placed his mug down carefully and looked around the kitchen.

"Yes, it is quite hot in here, Tonks."

"Well, WHY don't you take off that ratty old thing? What's up with this silliness?" She gestured a bit drunkenly towards his sweater. Her voice gave a squeak.

Remus gauged her with curiosity and added, "I'm fine," before he fished out his pocket watch to check the time. They were due back at the ministry in only four hours.

"Remus, I've known you for THREE years now, going on four, through all sorts of weather and temperatures, and I have never seen anything of you but your hands and your face, even when I know you're burning up. Now why is that, Mr. Moony?"

Tonks gestured emphatically before slapping her hands on the table in drunken exasperation. A slight flush appeared at Lupin's neck and he darted a quick look at Harry and Sirius, who could tell Lupin did not want to play. She had hit on a subject that he wasn't prone to talk about, yet his eyes were dancing with nervous amusement.

Sirius gauged Moony's reaction as too uncomfortable and blurted protectively, "Tonks, please! Leave Remus alone and quit your playing. Why don't you go to bed and get some sleep before Kreacher starts his nocturnal rounds of destruction and chaos. We have to be at the ministry in…

"Four hours," nodded Lupin with raised eyebrows, the good humor still playing on his face.

"Four hours," Sirius repeated, trying to disperse some of Tonk's toddy courage.

"Now now, cousin, I'm just looking for a little answer here, a little bit 'o insight into my 'ol friend's noggin'. And he's gonna give it to me, aren't you Remus? Come on!"

Lupin shifted in his chair and allowed a brief smile of concession. Realizing he wasn't going to win this round, he might as well play along. After all, weren't he and Tonks good enough friends to share an honest thought from time to time, even if it wasn't an pleasant one?

Remus glanced serenely into his empty cup and said, "I have scars, Tonks…lots of them. They're not just on my face." He looked up slowly to gauge her reaction, but Tonks immediately replied,

"And so wot are you getting at with the scar thing? Are you saying that you endure the heat and swelter of the worst British summers just to save the world from having to suffer the sheer torture of seeing your ugly, scarred, dilapidated body?"

Lupin smiled, but there was a hurt in his eyes that Tonks didn't miss.

"Something like that, yes."

Well, Remus John Lupin. Professor R.J. Lupin. Don't you think it's quite possible that all the people who know you and love you could care less whether you have scars? Maybe it's time to let go of this little issue, hmmmm?

Tonks sensed some emotional leverage and, egged on by her alcohol, blurted, "Take off your jumper."

Lupin looked shell-shocked.

"Wh..what?"

"Tonks, for goodness sakes!" Sirius interjected.

"Go on! Take it off! AND the shirt!"

"I can't believe that you're having this conversation in front of Harry!"

Come on, Remus! We're all friends here. Sirius has seen you naked, I know he has, and he said your body is none of my business! Do you know how frustrating that is! I'm going to help you get over this!"

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"I want to see a little skin on you!"

Lupin let out a huge laugh then quietly looked into Tonk's eyes with sincerity and protectiveness. Everyone could tell the game was over.

"Some things are better left under wraps…." He smiled and patted her hand as he rose from the table.

"Good night all. I'll see you shortly." And, hands in pockets slouching a bit, he walked tiredly from the room. Harry noticed that his limp was back but whether from the exhaustion of last night's transformation or the turmoil of just having such a wickedly batty conversation in front of others, he didn't know.

When he was gone, Sirius turned to Tonks with an unsure laugh and said, "Tonks, really…"

"Really what! Can't two friends have a chat? I'm just trying to help 'em out!"

"No, I think you were trying to help yourself!" Sirius sighed and added firmly, "Tonks, you hurt his feelings! Don't you think Remus has to go through enough without being hurt by his friends?….No more alcohol for you, at least not in my house!"

"Don't chastise me, Sirius! That man is impossible! Is it so wrong for me to just wanna see a little bit 'o...He HAS to get over this thing, it's CRAZY if he's not gonna chat me up that's one thing - "

"Tonks…Tonks…Tonks," Sirius kept repeating as she blathered on in frustration. He shook his head as he picked up his cousin under the arms, literally boosting her out of the chair.

"Let's get you to bed before things get any worse tonight." He laughed wickedly as her head knocked lightly against the door on their way out of the kitchen. It did stop her long tirade about Lupin's modesty, at least for a moment.

Harry remained at the table and allowed himself a confused smile as their voices trailed down the hallway.

"Ow! You git! You did that on purpose."

"Ohh, maybe so. Mmm..no more Zagwart, right Tonks?"

"Never say never."

Harry glanced around at the small mess they had made and began picking up stray glasses and throwing away the wrappings from a chocolate bar they had all shared. No conversation was totally free from the gravity at hand these days, but it was nice moment. Never in his memory of living with the Dursley's had he enjoyed sitting with adults and chatting like he was among family. Sirius, Lupin, and Tonks would never realize how important small moments like that were to him, despite the odd turn this evening's conversation took there at the end.

Sirius meandered back in sleepily and watched Harry fuss with the glasses for a moment before saying, "Come on, let some neat freak clean this in the morning. You need to get some sleep."

Harry shook a glass then sat it down to dry.

"Do you know what that was all about?" he asked tentatively, wondering if it was his place to enquire.

Sirius scratched his head then walked over and began washing the dishes and passing them to Harry to dry.

"Tonks has a crush on Remus, Harry. She's had it for years. And I daresay it's getting to the point where those baggy hand-me-downs he wears leave too much to mystery."

Sirius laughed at the thought then added thoughtfully, "I'd call it a schoolgirl crush, but that's not really a fair thing to say. She's a woman now, after all……and…"

"And?"

Sirius handed Harry the last dish.

"And although Remus won't admit it, I think he has a crush on Tonks, as well."

"Why do you think that?"

"Well…" Sirius sat back down at the table and Harry waited eagerly hear his godfather's response.

"She's the first woman who has known about his lycanthropy and it hasn't changed their relationship. She still treats him the same as when she didn't know…..that's a rare gift for him."

"Maybe he should ask her out!" Harry blurted excitedly.

Sirius shook his head, almost sadly. "No, Remus hasn't asked many women on dates. When he was younger, he was just too shy, and now it's all part of…some…..**selfless** **act**," Sirius said emphatically with a good-natured tinge of derision. "He doesn't feel like he's worth the trouble, that it would be asking too much for a woman to put up with his condition. So he stays single. I know his shabby clothes are part of his poverty, but I'm not entirely convinced he doesn't use them as a way to keep women away. It's just another tool to keep him from getting hurt." Sirius thought a moment before adding, "It's easier to deny yourself if you feel that connecting will always end badly and early on at that."

Harry pondered that for a moment.

"Would you be upset if they got together?"

"No, of course not! In fact, I'd be delighted to see them together." Sirius considered the idea and found that it pleased him even more than he had realized. The thought of his favorite cousin and his best friend…..finally finding reprieve from all that the world had forced upon them…Perhaps it was too late for him, but...not for everyone..Moony had given up on himself far too soon...

"Then maybe we should…you know, help that happen…in some way."

Sirius turned to Harry and smiled. After a bit, his smile broadened even further, the seed of a very good plan growing in his mind.

"Hmm, yes, maybe we should." The two shared a good-natured laugh before parting ways to catch a few scant hours of sleep.


	2. The Mourning After

_Dissed-Claimer: I have not purchased these characters with original braincells but have pilfered them to feed my own cerebral needs. JKR is to mercutio-rane as pork loin is to spam._

**Gash or Gold**

**Chapter 2: "The Mourning After"**

At first light, a bleary-eyed and blue-haired Tonks shuffled her way blindly into the bathroom. This morning's disheveled day-glo hairdo startled even her as she looked in the mirror, but it immediately morphed into black, dismal locks when the discombobulated memory of last night's conversation with Lupin reared its ugly head.

_Ohhhh, nice Tonks,_ she thought with a pensive sigh and splashed water on her face. _What's wrong with you? Sirius is right, no more nightcaps._ She sat on the toilet, lid down, and recalled the look on Remus' face as she waylaid into him, fueled by too much alcohol (at least for her anyway) and too little sleep. That flicker of hurt in his eyes…..

He was a complicated man with very simple hang-ups -- simple hang-ups that all stemmed from his concern about harming others. He was far from realizing that in the process of "protecting" people, he usually hurt himself. How could she explain to Remus that he didn't have to live that way -- that he could let down his guard for once and neither would happen? Not only could he make her happy but she could do the same for him.

_I could kiss you and make it all better_……Spontaneously, Tonks felt a deep warmth spread from the center of her body to her limbs. Her fingers and toes tingled at the thought, and for the first time, she admitted to herself that beyond Remus' charming personality, she really did possess a heavy sexual attraction to him. She always had, really, but it was only evident this morning how primal and dire the physical attraction had become. Last night's liquor just provided a voice for truths that had sat quietly for far too long. "Kiss you and make it all better," she said aloud and shut her eyes. _Pinning him against the wall in the hallway, running my hands under that damned sweater, down his back, breathing him in, feeling the heat rise from his body…_._He's not ready…_..._respect his fears…you love him, respect him…_

Tonks sat in thought with a dreamy, unfocused expression for a moment's time before realizing that she'd have to face the werewolf at breakfast.

"Oh, bollocks!…Breakfast should be right nice…"

Morning at Grimmauld place was a cacophony of entrances and exits. Some headed off for the Ministry of Magic, while others left quickly for guard duty. Padfoot paced the halls, restless about leaving the premises again and Lupin…..Where was Lupin? Tonks walked around the kitchen corner long enough to see Remus leaning forward slightly to talk to Arthur Weasley in hushed tones. Tonks eyed him, stunned for a moment. She swallowed heavily. What would she say to him? The thought of having to shoulder his resentment simply crushed her.

Little did she know that Remus Lupin could never hold a grudge against this woman whose smile lit a fire in his heart, as well – a fire he could not bear the thought of extinguishing. Snuffing it out would be the hardest thing he had ever forced himself to do….

Lupin looked away from Arthur and did a doubletake at the figure eyeing him from around the corner. Although he nodded along to Arthur's words, his eyes momentarily rested on her troubled face, and he sent a good-natured smile her way. Tonks briefly beamed at him and bolted back into the kitchen.

It appeared that all was forgiven. How could she not love the guy…


	3. Ships in the Night

**Gash or Gold**

**Chapter 3: "Ships in the Night"**

Padfoot measured the length of his days by a human pattern of waves, ebbs, and flows. People were like the schedules of a tide, coming and going then coming again while he remained the only constant fixture. In the greater scheme of things, he was a limb stuck deeply in the sandy shore, visited and buffered but nevertheless entirely immobile. _Merlin, I'm getting funereal._

He had found today particularly tedious and hoped to find something good to eat but the fridge looked fairly vacant, aside from a lovely dessert Molly had made for tomorrow. Scarfing the whole thing down didn't even occur to him. No sirree….He'd leave it for tomorrow….It looked so…..Suddenly, the kitchen door swung open and Padfoot's head smashed on the freezer as a very tired Nymphadora Tonks barged in and collapsed into a chair. Sirius looked like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar as he rubbed the emerging knot on his skull.

"Tonks! Do you have any food on you? Those Weasley boys are bottomless pits, and there's not an edible leftover in this house."

"Are you really desperate enough to eat something that I'll cook, cousin?"

"No, I'm just trying to pass the time with a snack, Tonks, I'm not trying to commit suicide." He threw her a light glare to show he meant the question. "No food on you?"

She shook her head and he sat down at the table with a miniscule sliver of buttermilk pie and a small glass of pumpkin juice. Two bites later, the nosh had disappeared and he eyed Tonks, waiting for the inevitable question.

"Have you seen Remus?"

"For a bit, but he had duty tonight."

"I see….you..um….he didn't say anything to you about last night, did he?"

"No. He came and went. This place is a madhouse of comings and goings, and I seem to be the only one who doesn't do any going."

"I know," Tonks said sullenly.

Sirius had enough trouble dealing with his own moods, and the sight of his effervescent, perpetually-upbeat cousin looking this mournful was just one too many emotional irons in the fire.

"Oh no no no, PLEASE no moping! I'm can't deal with that face tonight."

"Sorry," she murmured, looking at the tabletop.

"Look, the weather is nasty out. Why don't you stay here tonight? You can have Moony's room…I'll sleep on the couch and lock my bedroom door with an impenetrable spell. Unless he wants to sleep on the floor, he'll be forced to share body heat with you ALL NIGHT LONG!"

A small smile tugged at Tonk's lips, but she said nothing.

"…I'm sorry, but I've been tortuously bored today, and you two are my only form of pure entertainment…..You're fun to observe, actually. It's like watching the mating dance of two terrified hippogriffs. The reason there are so few is the dance alone takes several weeks. If they start it too late in the game, the season is over before the mating even begins."

Tonks gave him a much needed laugh and rubbed her tired eyes.

"Okay, you're sober and either wondering what you said last night or regretting what you remember."

"Let's just say that I passed St. Mungo's earlier and seriously considered visiting Lockhart for one of his famous memory charms."

"You were drunk, Tonks, and Remus knew it. Moony is Mister hyper-rational, and he's not going to take anything you said in a drunken fit personally….. I think I know him well enough to say that he's not upset with you."

Tonks recalled the gentle glance he gave her in the hallway that morning.

"No. I know he's not. But I still owe him an apology." She left the chair to apparate back to her flat. "And as much as I'd love to share a room with Remus Lupin tonight, I can already imagine the 3 AM argument if he got home to find Goldilocks in his bed and all his chocolate gone."

Sirius laughed. "I was just teasing about the body heat. He's not expected back 'til the morning, so go ahead and stay. Besides, I ate all his chocolate this evening. You might as well steal the bed."

Remus returned to Grimmauld place during the middle of the night and walked tiredly through the entryway hall.

"SUB-HUMAN HALF-BREED FREAK OF NATURE!" bellowed Mrs. Black through a peeping crack in the curtain that hid her painted demeanor from pedestrian traffic.

"There you are, Mrs. Black! Careful now, you could charm the pants off me with that kind of talk." He pushed the curtain closed and continued through the hall, nearly drunk with sleepiness. Halfway to the kitchen, he finally laughed at his own joke.

Remus felt too tired to sleep and rummaged through the cabinets to make a concoction of half tea/half sleeping potion. After full moons, he slept like the dead yet rarely felt rested. These days, his topsy-turvy schedule left him with bright afternoons to nap and nights to work and sometimes vice versa. A little sleeping potion did wonders for manipulating the normal patterns of the body.

As he headed upstairs, potion in hand, Moony saw firelight emanating from the sitting room and peeked in to find Sirius sitting in front of the dyeing embers, obviously on the depressed side of his post-incarceration manic depression. He stood in the doorway for a moment and considered his friend--- surviving twelve years of tortuous imprisonment in a place where only the depths of despair proffered, only to escape and now face self-exile in this house where his worst childhood memories took place…He had to come up with some good plans to entertain him.

For now, he sat down by Sirius and held the cup of doctored tea in front of Padfoot's hands.

"Here…Zagwart free and guaranteed to help you sleep."

But Padfoot sat frozen, gazing into the remains of the fire. Remus sat down the cup and hooked his arm around Padfoot's neck and gave him a squeeze. When he caught Sirius beginning to smile, he pulled him closer and began to heavily muss his friend's hair.

"Never a hair out of place. Used to drive me crazy!" Sirius laughed and pushed him away, which began a short mock scuffle before they both laughed and called it even.

"Hell of a day you missed here, Moony. Just non-stop excitement….."

"Your mother just filled me in."

"Oh, did she now?" Sirius leaned forward to pick up the cup. After a large sip, he pulled out his wand and kicked up the fire a notch.

"Tonks came by to look for you earlier."

"Mm…did she go home or is she staying here tonight?"

"No, she went back to her flat." Sirius shot Remus a short, bizarre glance then looked back at the fire.

Remus raised his eyebrows and smiled curiously.

"What was that?"

"Well, I think she wanted to apologize for putting you on the spot last night."

Remain remained silent for a moment before answering, "Nymphadora has nothing to apologize for. If anything, she has a point."

"Of course she has a point! But that's not the point. The point is that she doesn't want you upset with her."

"She was inebriated….And for that matter, she could have said the same thing while sober and I would still not be upset with her. There's no shame in pointing out truths, really, even those that people tend to avoid for the sake of prudence."

"Well, don't tell me that. Tell her. I feel like a port for two ships passing in the night. I need to get you two back at the same dock."

"I'm sure I'll see her over the next few days…..Arthur realized I just had a full moon and lightened my duty schedule a bit."

"The sooner, the better. I tell you she's practically maudlin about this."

"I find that hard to believe."

"Maudlin, Remus. I'm telling you, the sooner, the better."

"Well, I have to visit Diagon Alley tomorrow. I had enough wolfsbane for this moon, but I'm out now and haven't had time to find another potions master."

"Maybe Tonks can go with you tomorrow to find one."

"No, I'll be gone too long."

"She doesn't have to work tomorrow."

"Sirius…," Remus sighed heavily. He could tell where this was leading. "Tonks may think she's attracted to me for some reason but don't support her on this. I'll talk to her tomorrow and let her know that I'm not angry with her….and that I'm not…..I don't know….not…available."

Sirius didn't miss the sullen tone in Remus' voice. He waited a moment, trying to gather his thoughts into the best plan of attack.

"Remus, do you care for Tonks?"

"Of course I care for her. You know I do…..She's one of my dearest friends."

"Then you want what's best for her?"

"I will always want that."

"Then why close the book before you've even finished the first chapter?"

Remus looked almost dangerous when he shook his head. "Sirius, it is unfair for her to expect a relationship from someone who cannot provide her with the world she deserves. My life is too complicated to accommodate anyone."

"Complicated?…..Remus, these days, everyone's life is complicated……"

When Sirius turned a bit on the sofa to face him, Moony looked away and picked at a tattered spot on his shirt sleeve.

"You've spent a lifetime pursuing outcomes that harm you and help others, and for some reason you've found this method brings you some sort of painful resolution that you can live with but in this case, you've failed to notice that the same rules don't apply. Your methods are founded on a world you've predicted for yourself based on the cruelty of some people. But not all people are cruel."

"As close as we are Padfoot, there are some things that you **cannot** understand about my life."

Sirius looked at him darkly. "You're wrong."

Remus ran his bottom lip over the top one decisively and gave Sirius a light smile. He tried desperately to appear calm and resigned, but the undercurrent in his eyes belied a subtle torment carefully held in check. And Sirius didn't miss it. Tapping into those things was a family trait.

"I understand what you're trying to do and I appreciate it. But I'm not looking to come out of my shell or what have you, Sirius. I live the life I have to live. I have no choice in the matter. And I made peace with that long ago. It's alright. You don't have to look after me about these things…..Think about Tonks."

"I AM thinking about Tonks, Moony. But I'm thinking of you, as well. For all your logic, you can't see the forest for the trees on this one."

"Sirius, I don't need a matchmaker."

"I'm not playing matchmaker, Remus!…….I'm just taking a **vested interest** in the people whom I love."

Sirius studied his friend with an exasperated glare then found his frustration melting away in the midst of Remus' broken countenance. _Poor Moony…._

"God.…I can't take another one of these sullen faces today. I'm sorry…Can we just…Do you want to let this go for tonight? For tonight **only**, I mean?"

"Absolutely."

"Good."

When Remus reached up to rub a weary eye, Sirius noticed his hand shaking slightly. This conversation should have waited for his recovery from the last full moon…or for a moment when he himself didn't feel so disjointed….or for…Was there a good time for talks like these? He slipped an arm behind Moony to give him a small hug then felt the large lump in Lupin's jumper give off a tell-tale crackling sound.

"What's in that pocket? That feels edible! That's why you wear those big sweaters, Moony! You're hiding snacks in them and don't want anyone else mooching! Well, whatever you have in there, hand it over!"

Relieved to let the prior conversation go, Remus pulled out a large, half-eaten bar of Honeydukes' best chocolate. He then stood up with some difficulty and fished in his pants' pocket for several chocolate frogs.

"These might have melted a bit."

"I'm sorry to take all your chocolate, Moony, but if I had had this around 2 AM, I wouldn't have hit rock bottom."

"I'll make sure to always have it on hand, then. It's okay, eat all that. I have some more in my room."

"Don't bet on it."

Remus watched Sirius rip open one of the chocolate frog wrappers. He gave the card a curious glance before throwing it in the fire and stuffing the frog in his mouth.

"Gilderoy Lockhart…Who's THAT?"

"I forget," Remus said coolly, studying the ceiling before he looked back down at Sirius with humor in his eyes. He smiled at the content expression on Padfoot's face as he dove into the Honeydukes bar.

"Make sure you drink that potion, as well. I can't bear to watch you mope an entire night away in front of the fire again."

"Hmmph…I think we both need it." Sirius downed half the cup and handed it to Remus who downed the other half and pulled a face.

"Chamomile and ground grindylow nails – not a good combination."

They both headed down the hall towards their respective beds, but when Remus had disappeared around the corner, Sirius headed back to the sitting room couch and murmured to himself, "You're a hard nut to crack, Moony, but one way or another, I'll get you out of there."

Upstairs, Remus barely had the energy to pull off his clothes and slip into an old pair of Padfoot's long thermal underwear. The dark grey hand-me-downs rode up on his calves and arms, and when he stretched his sore shoulder the fabric gave a bit. But as he collapsed into bed and pulled the covers around him, Remus failed to notice a very unusual addition to his mattress -- nestled alongside him and wearing one of his button-down shirts, Nymphadora Tonks lay fast asleep.

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_Author's Note: Gasp! What will happen next? Fluffy chapter 4 to follow._


	4. Little Voices

_Author's Notes: Sorry this chapter is a bit slow to arrive. Real life has been unbelievably busy and complicated. _

_MrsAliciaWeasley: Harry will play prominently in the next chapter. Don't worry, I didn't forget him! I just needed to give the adults some time to..ahem, flesh things out. (big grin)_

_For those who commented on especially liking the Remus/Sirius scene in chapter 3, thank you! They will have quite a few more moments if I continue with this, so hope you come back for more!_

_Sirius' bird squawk in this chapter references his hippogriff comment in Chapter 3. _

_Chapter 4 is a bit sketchy, but I tried to capture the mind roads people travel when they have a lot to think about but not much time or space to deal. When your life is full of issues, you find yourself filling odd little moments of the day with tackling them – in the hallway, at the stoplight, at the drive-thru window… I was shooting for that. The chapter is a bit long, but everything happens in one hour and in five different locations. _

_I also wanted to explore the extent to which Remus has been scarred by his life choices. On an emotional level, he's a pent up bottle of inhibitions. In his day-to-day life he's not like this, but Tonks' love is something entirely new for him. It's not something that will change overnight, but don't worry guys, he'll eventually see the light._

_Anyway, thanks SO much to those who have reviewed! You all keep me going! __I'm continuing this for you guys much more than for myself, and I'm not sure if this chapter totally worked or not, so I would truly loooooovee reviews, even if they're one word long to say "yay!" or "nay!" _

_Chapter 5 should be comedic, bordering on the ridiculous. _

_Cheers and well wishes,_

_Rane_

* * *

"_I could paint you in the dark, because I've studied you with hunger. You're a work of art."_

_from "Collecting You" – Indigo Girls_

**Gash or Gold**

**Chapter 4: "Little Voices"**

A random smattering of tree-filtered sunlight cast itself upon the bed as Nymphadora Tonks nestled into Remus Lupin, her arm flung across his side, her fingertips resting lightly on the small of his back. She instinctively curled in closer and breathed him in as she flattened her palm and ran it down his body -- so smooth and warm. When a muscle tensed in his ribs, her eyes fluttered open to reveal -- a very personal view of Lupin's lovely throat….. It took Tonks several seconds to work the equation in her mind and come up with an answer. _He's back_._ He came back early.. He's in the bed and I'm in the bed and we're both in the bed…And…_

She swallowed heavily. His heartbeat fluttered in the alcove between his adam's apple and a stretched muscle in his neck. She could even hear his pulse. Or was that hers? As close as they were, it could be both. Tonks slowly slid her hand off his side then bit her lip as she considered what route to take. _Okay,_ _Mind says leave. Heart says stay_. _Mind says…mind isn't_ _getting a lot of blood right now…_

When Remus twitched, she brought a hand to her face and peaked through the digits. But Remus only smacked his lips lightly then settled once again into the steady rhythm of sleep. Under those sculpted eyelids, she could tell his golden eyes lightly darted in cadence with his dreams.

A minute passed….then another. Tonks threw all rational thoughts of flight aside and lay completely still – except for her eyes which roved freely. She felt guilty….and titillated, as her gaze poured over Remus slowly and carefully. He looked like a kid in outgrown jammies, his hair badly mussed, his mouth slightly open.

They had inadvertently shared pillow slobber for most of the night, but that didn't shock Tonks as much as the view before her -- because under those baggy tweed pants and rumpled sweaters, Lupin had successfully hidden a delicate yet strong and lithe body that she could not have imagined.

From the werewolf's slender shoulders, his frame sloped downward into a supine sculpture of long limbs and fingers splayed about in that unusual way people in which people only feel comfortable in the midst of much needed sleep.

Her eyes caught a faint pectoral line and nipple on one side of his chest where the fabric pulled taut, and lower down where the undersized shirt crept up, two partially exposed streaks of scarring and an adorable belly button. The thermal waistband sat twisted on his hip, and the strong line of his pelvic bone curled around toward the center of him where an ample bulge lay enveloped in the soft fabric and nestled into his inner thigh.

And still lower, one slim, muscular leg lay contracted under the covers while the other bent just a bit so that one proportionally long foot peaked out from under the blankets and hung off the bed.

"You're gorgeous," Tonks mouthed silently. She put the back of her fingers close to him, almost touching his skin, and closed her eyes as she felt the heat emanate from his face. Never in her life had Tonks felt such a self-assault. Her senses, every atom of her body burned with the urge to hold Remus close and explore his angles, to possess him completely. She ached with raw desire to touch him with her mouth, to absorb the delicious warmth that he gave. To move in closer once again…

_Tonks! NOW! Go! Go before you do something incredibly stupid! _

She finally clenched her fists then stretched out her fingers and reached one forward to carefully touch his upper lip. Then breathlessly Tonks receded from the room like the shadowy memory of a dream one wakes from with a start – knowing only that the dream was very good indeed.

Remus writhed on the bed in a slow, purposeful stretch then rolled over onto a side pillow and pressed his face into it. A muffled "Nymphadora" came from his mouth and he smiled. _Tonks…_ He froze and his eyes popped open tracing left and right. Suddenly, he remembered the dream. She had laid in bed with him, close to him, her dark, ruby red hair tickling his neck. Dream Tonks had run her hands lovingly across his body with a simple, gentle intimacy that he desperately desired, touched him in ways that he had rarely been touched.

He lay heavily in the bed for half an hour, his mind roaming. He wanted her to love him. He really did. His breathe caught and he swallowed and winced, a bit ashamed when he realized the recollection of this false memory had aroused him. It wasn't right for him to think of her that way, not when he had to keep her safe, to protect her. _Damn!_ Why was it so hard to say 'no' to himself this time? And Sirius wasn't helping the matter.

Remus showered and rummaged through his pitiful selection of clothes. For some reason, he chose the most dismally threadbare sweater he owned. Did it reinforce his role as an unworthy suitor or help ensure that desire and the inevitable pain and abandonment that came with it never blossomed? No, he reasoned. It was just a sweater.

Tonks had returned to her room to take the coldest shower of her life then went downstairs to help Molly with breakfast. Two broken dishes and one skillet of burned pancakes later, Mrs. Weasley ousted her from the kitchen before she could wreak further havoc on food or valuables.

She stood in the hallway for a moment and took stock of her options. Go back in the kitchen and demand cooking space…no, too dangerous. Go upstairs and find Remus. Too scary. Suddenly, a unique signature sneeze came from the sitting room --

_Sirius…oh…he is so…SO_... She stormed into the sitting room to find him swinging a small flaming yoyo from his hand. "'Round the world! That's a good one." Sirius already had his argument planned and without looking up said, "Now Arthur, theoretically, this is NOT a muggle artifact." But he looked up to find, instead, his cousin Nymphadora breathing down on him like a bull in heat.

"Good morning, Tonks!" he said brightly then added with a sly drawl, "And how did we sleep last night?"

"Sirius, you are such a twisted git, sometimes!"

"I am, aren't I? Well? Give me something GOOD!"

"Give you! GIVE you! - Oh, I'll give something!.." Tonks moved in fast, her eyes flashing a brilliant fiery red. For some reason, Sirius found her taller than usual. And meaner. "I left before he woke up, do you think I'm mental!

"What! You LEFT before he woke up? Tonks, where's the love!"

Teeth gritted, she jabbed his stomach angrily. "Of COURSE I left before he woke up, Sirius! I haven't even apologized for the night before last! Where's the **LOVE**? You wonker!" She kept moving in and pushed him lightly on the shoulders.

Sirius rubbed the spot where she poked him and fell lazily into a chair. "Hmm, it appears I have my work cut out for me with the both of you."

"I have to find him. This can't wait any longer." Tonks wandered distractedly out the sitting room door then tripped on the breezeway. An unknown voice screeched, "Tonks!" But judging from the enormous crashing sound that followed, said person hadn't played any part in breaking the fall.

"Tonksie?" Sirius called, a slight note of worry in his voice. When he heard her continue down the hallway with her army boots stomping, he smiled, and felt calm for the first time all morning. _Oh well…_

Tonks caught Remus halfway down the stairs He smiled at her but looked oddly horrified and took two steps backward.

"Remus! Remus…. " She jogged the rest of the way to him and took a beat to catch her breath before blurting, "I wanted to apologize for the night before."

"Tonks, it's not –" _Oh my God, that t-shirt. Please don't touch me._

"No, I need to! I mean, it's important to me. I can't imagine anything worse..I'm…I really shouldn't…I'm really sorry for all those things that came out of my mouth. Alcohol does not mix well with me, and –"

Remus gave her a guarded smile.

"And the last thing I want is for you to be mad at me so –"

_Quickest route between two points. Let's put this horse down._ When he took Tonks by the shoulders and pulled her into a bear hug, she easily leaned into him and into….this Godforsaken sweater. _Where_ _did he dig this one up? _But she felt warm and reassured…. and tried extra hard to keep her hands high. Remus stood very still for a moment then hesitated before he timidly gave her back a small rub.

_Let's go to the kitchen before I take you right here on the stairwell, _they both thought. But Remus just said, "Let's get out of the hallway. Kreacher followed me down, and he's acting mischievous." He wanted to say more. _I should thank you, really, for caring enough to worry about how I felt. _But he didn't.

In the kitchen, the bacon and pancakes were literally flying, as Molly whizzed plates of breakfast to each seat at the table. By Lupin's seat, she sat a jar of chocolate sauce.

"I had a feeling you might like that instead," she said with a wink.

Remus gave her a light chuckle and a formal but quiet 'thank you.'

They all dug in and sitting across from him, Tonks watched Lupin eye the chocolate syrup before cautiously covering one corner of a pancake with the dark substance. He tasted it then smiled broadly and doused the rest of the flapjacks. During the meal, she didn't miss the bit of syrup lingering at the corner of his mouth and how he surreptitiously wiped away his milk mustache after a big swig but missed the syrup spot. _I could take care of that for you, and I wouldn't need a napkin._

Lupin looked up from his meal and stopped in mid-chew, looking concerned as his fork scratched lightly on the plate. He swallowed the mouthful and reached for the milk glass then stopped again and hunkered down to meet her eyes.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, sure! I'm great. Um….What time did you get in last night?"

"Mhmph…around 3:00 AM. Went to bed at 4 or so."

_Four hours we laid in bed together…_her face pounded with a furious blush and she looked into her plate. "You must still be tired."

"Exhausted."

She eyed the cane resting against the table.

"Your leg….do you have a new injury or is the old one acting up?"

"Both, I'm afraid."

"Do you want me to look at it?"

She saw momentary flicker of alarm in his face before he calmly answered, "No…I mean, thank you all the same, but it's healing nicely."

"Just in time for the next full moon?"

He let out a sad laugh. "Yes. Quite. It's a viscous cycle, really."

"Are you sure you don't want me to look at it?"

"Yes," he said bluntly.

It came out of her mouth before she could stop it. "Prude," she muttered with a small, mischievous smile then reached out with her napkin and dabbed away the chocolate at the corner of his mouth.

He looked at her, oddly bemused, then almost inaudibly whispered, "Tease." _Why the hell did you say that!_

"Tease? Remus, really…"

They both laughed a bit uncomfortably then pretended to eat, becoming engrossed in guilty feelings about last night's dreams and musings.

_She doesn't know about the dream. There's no use in feeling guilty about something that never happened. _

_There's no reason to feel guilty. It's not like I planned to trick him. I just took advantage of the moment to satisfy a bit of curiosity…It's not like I saw anything! _

Sirius waltzed in to find them both looking furtively downward into their plates. As he poured himself a cup of coffee, simultaneously both Remus and Tonks looked up and gave him a guilty look. Sirius threw his head back and let out a huge belly laugh and waltzed back out of the kitchen. _OH! This might turn out to be fun after all. _When he reached the door and only Tonks could see him, he turned and flapped his "wings" madly -- a joke, of course, only Tonks got. Far down the hallway, everyone could still hear Padfoot's trailing peals of laughter, then a loud screeching noise.

"Did he just squawk like a bird?" Remus asked.

"Yes. Yes, he did," she dead-panned, hand over her eyes.

Remus just smiled and shrugged as he scraped up the remnants of chocolate syrup with a bacon scrap.

After breakfast, Lupin went upstairs to get his coat and headed towards the door for Diagon Alley. Tonks had the day off…. Should he ask her to accompany him? _What is your problem! Why is it so hard to do the right thing this time!_

He knew why. Not since his Marauder days had he felt so close to another human being. They could talk for hours, about work as well as about the most mundane of things. They had become lightly affectionate with one another, like close friends are want to do. They could finish each other's thoughts, each other's sentences. He knew it was self-centered but he just wanted to spend time with her, to feel her voice resonate in his chest and her laughter wash over him like an elixir. But now the stakes threatened to lift higher, to move up a notch.

_You're the only one who can see a relationship with you will harm her. You're the only one who can understand. How easy would it be for the two of you to fall together? And people would encourage it. And only you would know how badly it would end up, the danger she would be in, the stigma of having an intimate life with a social outcast. You would do that to her? She's too naïve to understand. She can't make the rational decision. You have to do it for her, you have to be the one who knows what's best. _

His most brutal voice emerged to clench the matter.

_Stab yourself to keep her from bleeding. Be a man. Do it. When you get back this evening, tell her to leave you alone. Tell her you're not interested. _

Remus started and found Professor Dumbledore standing before him looking, as usual, serene and sagely, but there was a haggard sadness in his eyes – a sadness Remus found all too often in the faces he came across these days.

"It's good to see you, Remus."

He tried to collect himself but knew his eyes had become misty with frustration. "Professor. What brings you to Grimmauld?"

"Oh, nothing too pressing. I just needed to pass some assignment information on to Moody and thought it best to deliver it in person."

Remus nodded. The old wizard continued down the hallway then turned and began to slowly walk back to him.

"Remus….."

Dumbledore had a decisive look in his eye, like he had wrestled with his thoughts for a moment and finally reached a decision.

"You know……sometimes rationality can become so skewed by our own psyche that it becomes an irrational voice, clouding reasoning with unintended subterfuge. That's why sometimes the mind is not the place where we find the right answers." He touched Remus lightly on the chest. "We find them here. After twelve years in Azkaban, I think Sirius would tell you the same thing. If you'd listen to him, that is."

Remus felt a small pull in his chest where Dumbledore touched him, and they regarded each other silently for a moment.

"Not all prisons are made of stone, is that it, Professor?"

"Wouldn't you agree?" Dumbledore said with a hint of mystery in his eye as he turned to continue down the hallway. "Good day, R.J."

"Good day, Professor."

Remus stood outside Grimmauld breathing in the light morning air and thinking about what had just transpired. "Doesn't miss a thing, that man," Arthur had once said about the Hogwarts headmaster. Remus knew a pensieve spell when he saw one. And Dumbledore knew that he knew. Few wizards could perform such a difficult wandless spell, but in the magical community, providing one for a friend was no more intrusive than offering a shoulder to cry on or a stiff drink after a hard day. It just alleviated one's worries, if only for a short period of time.

Minutes later, Tonks burst through the complicated doorway system and smiled when she saw Remus standing under a blinking streetlight, its sensors struggling between on and off in the subtle morning radiance. His eyebrows raised as he noticed how the first and last "s" in her Weird Sister's shirt stretched out across her breasts.

"There you are! I thought you had already left. Molly said you're going to Diagon Alley?"

He nodded.

"Dumbledore just brought some assignment information for the order, and Moody wants me to pick up some things. Do you mind if I tag along?"

"That would be absolutely wonderful," he said, and found that he meant it.

She gauged his bashful glance before wrapping her arm around his waist and leaning into him as they headed down the street. He allowed himself a small smile and wrapped an arm around her, as well.

"Whatcha need at the alley?"

"Oh, I'm on the hunt for a new potions master."

"That's all you need to do?"

"Well, it could take a while. But maybe we could find you a shirt that fits, as well," he quipped.

"Really now? I could say the same for you." She nudged him so hard he meandered off the sidewalk, but when he flashed her a broad smile and a mirthful laugh, her heart skipped a beat.

"What! You don't see MY belly button showing for all the world to see."

She leaned back into him and bravely pressed the edge of her fingers down on his stomach as she affectionately recalled his sleeping form. "Not for all the world to see, no."

He lightly kissed her ear as they continued their walk in the lovely ascending light of morning, looking very much like two people meant for each other. And for ten hours, Remus Lupin forgot himself and listened to his heart.


	5. How Cupid of Me!

_Author's Notes: Thank you guys for the reviews! Truly, at this point, they're what keep me writing, because my life has been too darned crazy lately! This chapter is just a very ridiculous breather, but it fits with the story plot-wise (for what plot there is), so I kept it here although part of me had plans to make it a story in itself. _

_The concept of a magic settee (at least from a muggle standpoint) is not mine. It belongs to Colin Bateman, author of the screenplay and novel "Divorcing Jack." _

_Disclaimer: These characters are not in my legal custody, but they come over to play from time to time, and I try to treat them well and send them home with no injury. (big smile) _

_This chapter begins immediately where the previous one left off. _

**Gash or Gold**

**Chapter 5: "How Cupid of Me!"**

8:00 AM

"Sirius, Tonks just left! She and Professor Lupin are going to Diagon Alley together!" Harry practically beamed. "Maybe they won't need our help after all."

Sirius fidgeted with a very large and very beautiful chess set as Harry sat down to pick up one of the ornate pieces. It nipped him soundly before he dropped it to the table with a thud.

"Harry…I can safely say that due to obstinance on the part of my subject, Plan 1, also known as the heart-to-heart with Uncle Remus, was a total failure. Now, Plan 2, the plan of forced cohabitative proximity, inadvertently might have managed some headway, no pun intended."

The look in Harry's eyes suggested that he didn't get the joke, and Sirius' naughty side considered explaining the pun when Dumbledore appeared at the door.

"Hello, Sirius."

"Good morning, Headmaster! Always good to see the main man."

"I've brought some assignment papers for The Order. We have much work to do over the next few months."

Sirius nodded, knowingly, and Dumbledore paused in thought then allowed himself a small smile. "You might also like to know that both Nymphadora Tonks and R.J. Lupin may feel a slight reprieve today from things that have been…troubling them."

Sirius laughed. "Word gets around, does it?"

"I like to keep on top of things."

"Well, I appreciate it, Professor. It may be a lost cause but it's our cause." He clapped Harry on the shoulder.

"Always willing to support a worthy battle." The three gauged each other in a comfortable silence before Dumbledore nodded and made to take his leave. "Good to see you both. Behave yourselves," he added with a sly curve to his consonants.

"We will," Harry promised then turned to Sirius with a puzzled look on his face. "What did he mean about Professor Lupin and Tonks? Everything should be fine now. I mean…they went to spend their day off together."

"Well, it's magic, Harry. And magic is not always a panacea….but perhaps it can provide the impetus..." Sirius picked up a black and a white knight piece from either side of the board and put them together. The black knight shoved the white one down and moved away, perturbed. Sirius looked at the figures pensively then smiled and gave Harry a sneaky look. "Dumbledore may be on to something. Maybe we can wade into magical waters, ferret out some of cupid's best tricks so to speak. It couldn't hurt."

"Of course," Harry said slowly, already thinking of the possibilities before a big grin spread across his face. "And I know just who to ask for help."

11:15 AM

Cold morning coffee swirled down the kitchen sink as Ron drained the contents of a readily handy mug and spooned viscous love potion into it. Hermoine sagely watched and seemed happy with the results.

"Wait here. I'll go get something to cut it with." She walked to the pantry and looked for something strong enough to subdue the bitter taste of the potion they had just concocted as Ron sat down with an air of confidence and beamed at Harry. "It's bound to work! But which one of them should we sneak it on?"

"Well, one party can take it, but both is better." Harry paused to read more from the potions manual. "And mixing it with alcohol makes it even more potent."

"We should use alcohol then, Hermoine," Ron mused. "You know I love butterbeer and hot chocolate, but if alcohol makes it kick in faster…" He tapered off with a slight blush.

She pulled out a dusty bottle of something green then decided against it. "Alcohol works MUCH faster. Candy is dandy, but liqueur is quicker, so they say. Hmm, a chocolate liqueur would really get it going."

"What about the brandy in the sitting room? I've seen them both pour small drinks from that in the evenings."

"That's a perfect idea, Harry! We'll just pour it in the carafe." The three clamored off to procure the translucent caramel colored fluid but stumbled in their tracks when they found Mrs. Weasley standing in the doorway, perusing the new Hogwarts schedule.

"Where are you three going?"

"Nowhere," Ron blurted defensively. "Just to the sitting room."

She passed them and headed into the kitchen, a bit absentminded.

Harry held the bottle up at eye level and sloshed the brandy. "It has to be mixed while the potion is still warm, but it only lasts five hours after it's combined. Do you think they'll be home in time?"

Hermoine looked lost in thought for a moment. "If it begins to wane, we'll make a second batch and pour in some more."

Across the hall, Sirius walked into the kitchen with a frenetic, restless energy and meandered over to the counter where Molly Weasley stood, still looking over the lists of books and classes.

"Molly."

"Sirius."

In one fell swoop he picked up the coffee mug half full of potion and drained it. After all, it was his mug. He was very possessive about his coffee mug. He was…..blech! …..ohhhh YEAH….hell, yeah!...

The sugary vibes of heavy love unfolded throughout the kitchen like a luxurious velvet carpet. Sirius glanced down at Molly with his right eyebrow hitched up and his lips pursed.

"How YOU doing, Molly?"

"Yes, good afternoon, Sirius, could you—"

"You are looking soooo." Sirius moved in a bit. "Sooooo SCRUMPTIOUS today."

At the sharp scream, the three returned to the kitchen and immediately gauged the situation. Ron turned to Harry with an expression he hadn't seen on his red-headed friend since that slug-eating hex backfired in the worst of ways.

"Haarryyyy……."

"It's reversible, Ron, don't worry!" Hermoine exclaimed with a bit of panic in her voice. "_Aestuo restinguo_!"

Molly slapped Sirius hard across the face and gasped - a caricature of horror plastered across her features, free hand on her chest.

"Mr. BLACK!"

"What?" Sirius said innocently? "Did I just do that?" He looked confused. "You kissed ME! I wouldn't kiss you, for Merlin's sake."

"Sirius, you drank the potion!" Harry blurted.

"Oh.." Sirius looked simultaneously shifty and embarrassed. "Well, that was good for a feel. Sorry, Hermoine."

"Sorry, Hermoine!" Molly screeched indignantly.

"No harm done, Molly?"

"Quite…"

The best thing at this point seemed to fill her in, so they did just that. Luckily, not only did she approve but wanted to lend support whenever and wherever possible. That didn't keep her from steering clear of Sirius, though, and taking the long way out of the kitchen.

And Sirius made it quite clear that no one had dibs on his personal coffee mug for anything. It didn't say "Warning: Dog Germs" on the side for nothing.

4:30 PM

By the time Remus came home at 4:00 pm, Tonks still hadn't returned and the love potion's magical powers had waned severely. But the teens' time wasn't all for naught. Ron and Hermoine, in a moment of nubile affection, drained two cups and shared a chaste but fervent kiss in the hallway before the sound of Grimmauld's many clandestine door locks shifting sent them scrambling upstairs with laughter.

6:45 PM

Plan two could have worked! With better enunciation. A different wand. A more benign clock! Ron put a cupid's arrow spell on the hallway grandfather clock but instead of emanating the airy inspiration of love, something went horribly wrong and caused the timekeeper to spew its own nuts and bolts.

Harry thought it ironic that in trying to help Professor Lupin, the poor man ended up spending an evening helping them repair the clock. When it finally functioned normally again, Lupin looked at it with a professor's eye. "It appears that someone put a spell on it, but for what I'm not sure as the culprit totally bungled the original intent."

Harry looked at Ron with amusement in his eyes but found none.

8:00 PM

With an easy flick of the wrist, Sirius apparated a large and lovely velvet couch of sorts into the sitting room. There it sat, ensconced in its own luxury and looking very sittable. The scrolled, art noveau extravagance of the wood melded beautifully with the dark maroon velvet seat, as deep as the ocean in its textures.

"So what exactly does it do?"

"THIS, Ronald, is a magic settee. If two people sit on it at the same time, they're guaranteed to end up making love within the hour. I rediscovered it in the attic. Apparently, Kreacher has been….You know what, I don't even want to speculate on what Kreacher has been doing with this item. But it has been used and I implement the word "used" only in the worst of connotations…..Personally, though, this thing provided me with the few good memories I've had in this house."

Sirius jumped an eyebrow at Harry, who raised his and kept them there, slightly unnerved at the thought.

"Sirius, we haven't had much luck with any of these ideas. I don't think this one has much of a chance, either."

"Nonsense, Harry. We just need to make sure the right people sit on it. I'll take the first watch and you can relieve me at 9:00. Remus is upstairs trying to clean the doxies and dust devils out of that corner bedroom. At least he was…"

Sirius glanced up at the ceiling then suddenly heard a very high decibel screech and a thud. "Hm, yes, he's still up there. And Tonks should be back soon, unless they put her schedule into overdrive again."

10:00 PM

After an hour of sheer boredom in the sitting room, Harry closed his "History of Quidditch" book and glanced at Ron snoring loudly on the fireside couch. Where was Hermoine?

"Ron, watch the settee."

"Hmmmm 'kay," Ron grumbled and rolled over.

Harry shuffled out to look for her and passed Mad Eye Moody in the hallway, walking heavily with his walnut pegleg thudding against the throw rugs.

Hermoine walked down the stairs then suddenly registered alarm at something behind Harry, who turned around to see Lupin casually cross the hallway from the kitchen to the sitting room, looking all the world like a moving target in a carnival game. Why was this turning out to be so hard?

He began to panic. "Moody's in there!"

"AH! There you are, Lupin," Moody groused. "I've got papers here for you. Orders for next week, and quite an assignment I might add."

"Very well…What are you sitting on there, Mad Eye? That wasn't in here this morning."

Moody looked as if he were seeing the maroon velvet settee for the first time. "Oh, just a big comfy chair of sorts….You should sit on it, Lupin. It's quite luxurious, if you're interested in that sort of thing. Luxury, I mean," Moody added for manly effect.

"And it's quite large. We should move it over by the fire to accommodate people for meetings," he said absentmindedly as he walked towards Moody with a sideways glance, already focused on the papers for The Order.

Harry burst through the sitting room door just in time.

"Professor, no!" Harry screeched and tackled him around the middle. "Professor! Uh, Professor Lupin it's really good to see you," Harry stammered and then hugged Remus tightly. Remus held his hands up away from himself, unsure what was going on but knowing very well there was an ulterior motive. He looked around the room with a stunned expression, trying to figure out what he wasn't supposed to do and rested a hand on Harry's head.

"Um…Harry, I just helped you fix the hallway clock a few hours ago."

Ron woke with a ragged snort, blanched at the view, then quickly bolted over to reinforce the barrier between Lupin and Moody. "Professor, there's something we need to do! Uhhhhhhh, YOU need to do!"

"In the other room!" Harry added, gesturing toward this door with his head, arms still wrapped around Lupin's torso.

Ron grabbed at Lupin's elbow in an attempt to pull him towards the door, but Remus was well-grounded.

"Can it wait? I need to go over some Order business with Moody before he leaves."

"NO!" Harry and Ron yelled simultaneously. Harry broke his death grip on Remus to push on him with both hands, and Lupin tottered back a step. "No, it CAN'T wait! NOW!"

Hermoine rolled her eyes at the ridiculous view before her. Why did she always have to be the calm one?

"Professor, Sirius told us to come get you at once," she said adamantly.

"ALRIGHT, you three. Moody, I'll be back in a moment."

"Take your time, Remus. But not too much time," he yelled a bit louder as the three kids wrangled Remus out the door and into the hallway. Now a safe distance away from the settee, the teens looked relieved until they realized they still had to come up with a destination.

"Okay, where's the fire?" Remus said quietly with a smile.

The three looked at each other blankly.

"It's Buckbeak. He's looking rather…." Harry trailed off.

"Peaky," offered Hermoine.

"Yes, Peaky! Beaky is um…peaky. He's looking peaky. Peaky Beaky… And Sirius wants you to take a look at him and see if we should call Hagrid."

"Are you sure? He looked fine yesterday."

"He ate um,..too much…chocolate! George gave it to him. You should know all about eating too much chocolate."

"Not all overdoses are bad, Ron," Lupin said with his eyes dancing. "But I think chocolate only affects dogs adversely. Sirius can eat pounds of it, but even he gets sick if he eats it in Padfoot form."

When they arrived upstairs, Sirius was feeding Buckbeak from a string of ferrets that Moody had brought, and the hippogriff heartily snapped up each one and worked them down his gullet with a healthy gusto.

"Well, he's looking quite perky to me. Sirius, has Buckbeak fallen ill?"

"What, are you kidding? Look at him go! He's an animal, Remus!"

"I see……well, it looks like he's experienced a miraculous recovery." The lilt in Remus' voice barely contained that he knew something was up and that he was okay with it. "I'm upstairs now. And Buckbeak's fine. Can…" Lupin lowered his head with a small, smile. "Can I go downstairs now, Harry? Is there ANY reason at all why I should not go downstairs?"

Harry sighed and looked a bit sullen. "Don't….don't sit on the settee."

"Unless…" Ron added. "Well, unless there's a girl on it…except for my MUM!"

"Or me!" added Hermoine defensively, looking at Ron a bit hurt.

"Yeah, or Hermoine. Or Ginny!"

"I see. Well, that would leave….Nymphadora, would it not? Is it alright for me to sit on the settee with Nymphadora, you three?" Remus said, realizing what they had done and feeling his heart melt for what they had tried to accomplish, although he kept his light smile and demeanor.

Harry broke out into a sheepish grin. "Yes, only with Tonks."

"Brilliant, Harry. Just brilliant. I'm glad none of this has been for a grade, or we'd be failing."

Remus cleared his throat lightly. "Well, it has been a magical evening, but I still have to talk to Moody about an assignment. Perhaps that nice chair by the fire…" Remus said as he walked down the stairwell, chuckling to himself.

The four returned to the sitting room only to find…..Cornelius Fudge sitting on the magic settee with Mad Eye, pouring over the file Moody had. Or rather Cornelius attempted to pour, his lower lip twitching and his legs tightly crossed, absorbed in pretending to read the documents even though they were upside down. Moody just stared at the little man, his jaw slightly ajar, his magical eye bulging out and pounding with desire.

When he saw his audience staring dumbfounded from the doorway, Moody bellowed, "I can't Get UP! This settee is spelled! I know dark magic when I see it! I mean..feel it! I mean…Run, Cornelius! Get out my sight, you randy curmudgeon! There'll be a death by snogging if you don't, man! I mean it, Fudge, nothing but teeth and a chin bone. I'll eat your pants off!

Cornelius balked at him in utter terror. "I can't! I can't get off, either! I mean, I got OFF! Bubu-but I can't extricate myself!"

Remus came to first and lightly waved his wand at the sex-inducing settee and said, "_Calidus solvi_"

Cornelius stood up stiffly and let out a small squeak before he fled the building, panting in terror. Mad Eye just shook his head violently and gauged Remus and the teens as if nothing had happened.

"Remus, we still need to go over these orders, so why don't we sit over here by the fire. Or I'll sit over here. YOU sit over there!" He pointed to a recess in the far corner of the room. "At least 'til I calm down and get a hold of myself. Or rather, stop thinking about getting a hold of myself."

Ron snickered loudly.

"You three get out of here! NOW! Haven't you wreaked enough havoc for one day!"growled Moody.

"Oh, more than enough," Harry agreed as they filed out, admitting defeat in the midst of several well-intended ideas that went awry on this lazy summer's day.

12:00 AM

The rest of the night (what little there was) went by smoothly, mostly because the four had abandoned all hope of making any headway through light magic and novelty furniture. Perhaps things would have to unfold on their own or not at all. But Harry had hope. And a strong belief in the power of fate and connection.

Sirius and Harry reapparated the deadly weapon also known as the magic settee from the sitting room to a very dark corner of the attic then stayed awake to talk and play a lazy game of chess.

In two days, Harry would leave for Hogwarts to begin his fifth year. He anticipated the event yet felt an impending dread when he thought of leaving austere, moldy Grimmauld Place. Sure, he'd have Ron and Hermoine with him at Hogwarts. But Sirius, Remus, and Tonks would feel so far away. For the first time, he had real family away from school, and the longing to see them during that projected separation had already begun before it started.

From the hallway, door locks whirred and moaned and a very sleepy Nymphadora Tonks wandered into the sitting room with her eyes half shut and her mouth gaping in a huge yawn. "NOW she comes back, "Harry murmured softly to Sirius, and felt sorry for the auror despite his exasperation at her late arrival. She sat down beside Sirius, who ruffled her ear length lavender hair.

"Tonks, they had you work 'til the wee hours again?" She yawned and looked wearily at both of them with a smile. Sirius touched one of the dark circles under her eyes and quipped, "Poor girl, you look like a raccoon."

"Duty before beauty, cousin."

"Hm, Remus got that corner bedroom cleaned out so you have a place of your own now…. By the way, he was complaining about his shoulder earlier. You want to take some of that potion you got from Pomfrey to him before he goes to sleep?"

"You know, I forgot about that. It's in my clothes bag." She headed up the stairs, obviously energized by the thought of seeing Remus.

Harry and Sirius shared a small smile as they wrapped up their game in ten moves and began to pad quietly upstairs. At the stairwell, Sirius stopped with a start and whispered, "THAT would have been the place to hide the love potion! In his medication bottles! Well, it's too late now."

"I don't know, I sort of liked it in your coffee cup."

Sirius lightly pushed Harry and shook his head, laughing quietly. "If Molly Weasley didn't think I was a scoundrel before, she's got plenty of ammunition now."

It was then they heard the screaming from Remus' open door and, even more specifically, from his bathroom.

"Nymphadora, get OUT of here!"

"WHAT did you call me!"

"Please…TONKS…would you please get out!"

He threw a washrag at her from around the shower curtain and she screamed in horror and ducked out the way, sloshing potion from the cup in her hand.

"Alright, you're throwing things now, so I'm leaving!"

Sirius and Harry met her head on as she stormed out but couldn't fail to note the huge grin on her face as Tonks handed her cousin the cup.

Sirius swung back the shower curtain (_Geez, only Moony would close the shower curtain_ _to take a bath_) and used his friend's head as leverage as he sat on the edge of the tub. As soon as he plopped down, Remus batted his hand away angrily then covered his eyes with the same hand. Sirius lowered his head to try and see Remus' face, but Moony wouldn't budge. He just slumped miserably in the tub, dripping with water, a submerged towel over his privates and his head pressed into the wall in embarrassment.

"What? Oh, I see. A beautiful woman whom you just happen to have a crush on almost saw you naked. Or did she? Did she see you totally naked, Remus?"

"Sirius, please!"

Sirius threw a huge grin at Harry and with an evil giggle blurted, "MMMMMmmmm close enough!"

"And I don't have a crush on your cousin…"

After a heavy moment of silence, Remus finally looked up at his friend and saw a mild, knowing glance. But it was a nonjudgmental, caring expression, enough so that Remus let his guard down. He then saw Harry looking at him, anticipating an answer, as well, Hadn't the boy been privy to enough humiliating situations in Remus' life for one week?

"Alright…maybe a small one." He gave a small glance up then attempted to rotate his sore shoulder. "But I've already told you….nothing will come of it."

Sirius looked up the ceiling, a bit exasperated. "Alright, we're not going to talk about this now while you're in the tub, but this game stops today. You hear me? No more games! On ALL sides!"

Lupin looked up at him, wondering what exactly his friend was up to, but Sirius was now studying the black and blue welt running from Remus' collarbone midway to his elbow. Last week's moon had left him sore and wounded.

"How's your shoulder?"

"Better."

"Good…Here, drink this. Tonks had Pomfrey whip up a batch for sore muscles and bruising. Since I knew you were bathing, I told her to take it upstairs to you at this very moment."

"Thank you, Sirius!" Lupin said pointedly with his eyes wide and his face blank. But he took the cup and murmured, "Please tell her thank you for me. For the potion, I mean."

Sirius splashed a bit of water in Remus' direction and laughed as he stood up. "You can tell her yourself, mate."

As Sirius walked out the bathroom door, Harry sat down against the wall, his arms wrapped around drawn-up knees.

Lupin drained the potion cup and pensively sat it on the edge of the tub as Harry looked at the jagged scars that streaked across Lupin's upper torso and down his arms. They weren't so bad...in fact, they looked kinda cool, just like the two long scars cutting across his face did.

When Lupin had come to Hogwarts, the scars had startled him, but not one student had dared ask the DADA professor how he came upon those injuries. Seamus had whispered, almost in awe, "I can right imagine he's been up against the lot of dark creatures. Maybe even a werewolf!" Harry allowed himself a little smile remembering that now. Poor professor Lupin had been battling the most terrifying of dark creatures – one that lived within himself. Suddenly, Harry felt a surge of admiration for his former dark arts teacher. If he could just get through these dark times with as much courage…

Remus caught Harry studying him furtively and felt relieved to see nothing but light curiosity in the boy's face. Whether Harry realized it or not, few people had seen his scar-raked torso, but despite some discomfort at feeling bared and studied, Remus could tell that Harry had something to impart and wouldn't leave until he said it.

"Harry," he nodded. "Whatever you need to talk about…."

"It's….Well, I'd just like to tell you something. And I don't think it should wait 'til tomorrow."

"Alright…"

"When you were at Hogwarts, I learned so much from you and you were always there for me. Looking out for me…And when you came with the others to Privet, I knew that even though I hadn't seen you for a while, you had not forgotten me. You've always made an effort for me….. Even….even when there is so much to keep me miserable, you and Sirius…and the Weasleys, too…You've always wanted me to be happy."

Lupin gave him a tender but lightly incredulous look. "Of course. You deserve that, Harry. Everyone does. We loved your parents and we love you, as well….What happened to them makes us fight even harder to help you have a good life. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you don't deserve that."

"I know. But…Professor Lupin, you deserve that, too. If…if you really like Tonks, you should tell her."

Lupin looked slightly stunned. My god, he was getting love advice from a 15-year-old child….Well, he thought, with a bit of chagrin, Harry probably had as much experience dating as he did, if not more. The thought was suddenly horrifying.

"We're just. You know, all the things we've done? We're just making an effort for your happiness, just like you've done for us."

Lupin's eyes narrowed a bit as he scavenged through some of the day's stranger occurrences.

"Was that a cupid's arrow spell on the clock?"

Harry's flushed furiously and let out a strangled giggle in spite of himself.

"Almost but not quite."

"Let me guess, Ron's wand?"

Harry nodded and the two shared a laugh. When Remus finally spoke again, his voice was quiet and sincere.

"Thank you, Harry."

The boy awkwardly looked around the bathroom then gave Remus a nervous smile.

"You're welcome. Well, I'll let you finish your bath and uh…should I lock the door behind me?"

"YES! Yes, that would be a good idea," Remus said with a wary smile.

Harry bolted out of the bathroom with his eyes hyper-averted from the tub, an act that made his former professor laugh, as well. As the door shut, Remus heard Harry spell lock the closed door before he walked out and shut Remus' bedroom door behind him.

It wasn't as simple as people wanted to make it, but…..for every aspect of Remus' life that Harry did not understand, he took away a very perceptive empathy for something else in his world. As did Sirius. Maybe….maybe he did deserve certain things, like love. But only if he could include Tonks in his life more fully without endangering her or making her life more difficult than it already was.

Remus suddenly became very aware of the tepid bath water and instead of topping it off with warmth opted to get out. As he dried off and wrapped the towel around him, he caught his reflection in the mirror and paused to look at the tightly wound muscles pulled close to his bones, the scattered cacophony of sharp and angry scars criss-crossing his chest. His paleness and the recent retreat from the warm bathwater made them run deeper and redder. What did she see in him? What could she accept?

For everyone else, it might appear a plausible match. For Remus, though, it seemed an insurmountable challenge. But risk, some say, is the price we pay for opportunity. And it appeared that opportunity now knocked at his door harder than it ever had…and probably ever would. And the lovely thing (or the most brutal thing, depending on his frame of mind) was how desperately he wanted to answer.

"Risk is the price we pay for opportunity," he said aloud, his mind and heart racing.

Remus looked at the clock. 12:45 AM. Awfully late, he thought. Nevertheless, Remus dressed and left the safety of his cold and lonely room to go find the woman he loved.

**

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****tbc**

_Review donation, anyone? Anyone? (shakes cup) _


	6. Pillow Talk

_Author's Notes: __Warning: this chapter just reeks of fluffiness. A fluff bomb could explode in a cotton candy factory, and it couldn't get any fluffier than this. For some reason, I kept thinking of a century old quote that listening to Grieg's music was like eating a pink bonbon stuffed with snow. Fluff must be the literary equivalent; however, I'd like to think that Remus fluff is filled with a very fine chocolate. In honor of our favorite werewolf, of course! (big smile)_

_

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_

_"I wanted  
The past to go away, I wanted  
To leave it, like another country; I wanted  
My life to close, and open  
Like a hinge, like a wind, like the part of the song  
Where it falls  
Down over the rocks: an explosion, a discovery;  
I wanted  
To hurry into the work of my life; I wanted to know,  
Whoever I was, I was_

_Alive  
For a little while_

_Also I wanted  
To be able to love. And we all know  
How that one goes,  
Don't we?_

_Slowly_

_Mostly, I want to be kind.  
And nobody, of course, is kind,  
Or mean,  
For a simple reason._

_And nobody gets out of it, having to  
Swim through the fires to stay in  
This world._

_And probably,  
If they don't waste time  
Looking for an easier world,  
They can do it."  
_

_excerpts from "Dogfish" by Mary Oliver_

**

* * *

**

**Gash or Gold**

**Chapter 6: "Pillow Talk"**

Remus threw on pajama bottoms and a soft cotton shirt with the sleeve buttons missing before heading down the hall to locate Tonks.

He found her, fully-clothed and sleeping peacefully, in the musty corner room he had only begun to clear and clean. It needed hours of spells and incantations (not to mention some good old-fashioned elbow grease) before he deemed it habitable, with its airy haze of ancient dust and the old iron bed, well-built but teeming with ages of accumulated dirt and grime.

The wooden floor creaked as he padded carefully on his bare feet to the edge of the bed and whispered her name.

"Nymphadora," he said softly. "Don't sleep in here, come on."

She appeared too far gone for polite rousing, so he gingerly wrapped his arms underneath her shoulders and knees, carried her to his room, and laid her carefully in the center of his bed.

Remus removed her green Doc Martens to find bright purple socks underneath and smiled broadly as he peeled them off and placed them in the boots. After a moment's hesitation, he gingerly untucked her standard auror oxford shirt and pulled the quilt up lightly to her chin. But when his hand brushed Tonks' cheek, two attentive blue eyes popped open. Remus smirked knowingly in the low light of the room. _Awake for the whole trip, probably._

"Do you want some…..uh…boxers to sleep in?"

Before she could answer, he went rummaging for a decent sharing pair plus a t-shirt (the red one because he knew how cute she'd look in it) then handed them charily to her. They stared at each other in wide-eyed silence for a second before he turned to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"Downstairs. I'll sleep on the couch."

"No." She took his hand lightly and looked hurt. "Stay here. It's your bed, stay here. I'm not going to banish you from your own bed."

"It's not banishment. I'm altering my sleeping arrangements to afford you a decent night's sleep."

She sat up and looked at him a bit dangerously.

"Professor Lupin, I'm not asking for a justification of your decision to sleep in the other room. I'm asking you to stay with me." Her shoulders fell when he just stood there, looking stunned. "Stay here with me," she whispered and pulled him into the bed."

She nestled close to him but not too close, unsure of how he'd react, but as the space between them seemed painfully too far, Remus was the one to close the gap and snuggle against her, working his arm around her side and holding her lightly. They absorbed the delicious warmth for a moment and studied each other. Remus had a mildly amused look, and she realized that less than an hour ago, they were yelling at each other in his bathroom.

"I'm sorry about the tub earlier. The door was cracked and I didn't think you'd leave it unlocked if you were….." She smiled mischievously.

"You seem torn up about it. Really distraught, Nymphadora."

She pulled the covers over her mouth to muffle her laughter.

"You are certainly not forgiven……I couldn't imagine anyone entering my bathroom that late at night for anything."

"I was looking for a sexy man in a compromising position and thought I might find one upstairs."

"Really…..The word 'compromising' is a euphemism when it comes to getting caught naked, Tonks. Try 'humiliating.'…….And I'm sorry there was no sexy man in there, just a compromised and humiliated one."

"On the contrary, I got more than I bargained for."

"Oh, did you now," he said in a clipped, almost giddy voice that made her laugh, then her face slowly fell with a sad insight. He was making light of something that had hurt him. From someone else, she could have taken that as a good sign. From Remus, it was just another defense mechanism to protect his dusty vault of fears.

He took the pallor in her eyes as disappointment and swallowed once, decisively. _I_ _TOLD her I had scars. What did she expect?_

"What were you bargaining for?"

"To help a friend. Bring him something to make him feel better. I saw your shoulder and it looked awful, even if I only saw it for a second."

Quickly, Remus' eyes darkened and shut her out. Someone who didn't know him might have missed it, but Tonks had found plenty of moments to study his quiescent, flickering emotions.

"It's fine," he said in a gentle but dismissive tone.

"It didn't look fine."

"I've had worse injuries." He pulled a hand from under the blankets and threaded a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Remus, when you hurt, you don't tell me about it, but you'll tell Sirius. You trust him with your pain…and your feelings. But not me. And that…..that hurts ME. Do you understand? I want to hear you SAY the things….that sometimes escape from here."

He closed his eyes when her fingertips lightly brushed against his eyelashes. Then she ran the hand lightly across his cheek, down his jaw, and rested it on the nape of his neck, feeling the soft hair that brushed against the back of his collar.

With the lightest tone he could muster, Remus forged into conciliatory waters, unaware that the usual mood detours might not work this time.

"No pun intended, Nymphadora, but I'm getting a dressing down, aren't I?"

She smiled but not as widely as he would have liked. He wasn't going to escape without a fight.

"Would this be a bad time to express my undying devotion to you as one of my best friends? And my lust for you as an untouchable co-worker?"

"Untouchable co-workers? Is that what we are?"

He folded an arm underneath his head and considered the question seriously. He truly didn't know.

"The Order doesn't really respect me, you know. They think I'm young and clumsy. The Black family black sheep. But when you look at me, sometimes I see into your soul. I see that you respect me and care for me. But I can only see so far….and I have never known anyone who could close in upon himself faster…..Why is it so awful that someone might care about you or give you the time of day aside from your work? I've moved farther into your world, but you've only opened up to me so far. And I have a lot more to offer you than the time of day, Remus."

She removed the hand from his neck and fiddled with one of the buttons on his shirt, trying desperately not to undo it.

"I don't want to be an untouchable co-worker. And I hate to point it out, but we're touching right now….and work is over."

Tonks had said it all. She loved Remus. But he had to step forward and love her back. And she realized this was the decisive moment. She had too much pride to keep chasing him if he walked away this time. _I know you love me just as much…I know you do…_

Just when the tension in her throat hit its worst, he decisively flattened his palm and ran it slowly down her back then around to lightly squeeze her thigh. When her eyes flickered with a bit of shock and arousal, she caught a glint of teeth through his sculpted lips as his smile widened, his whole face warming and becoming even more beautiful. Tonks wasn't prepared for the thud her heart gave at the sight. He puffed out a small laugh when she added, "Sometimes I have simultaneous urges to both slap you and kiss you."

For some reason, the whole conversation didn't terrify Remus as much as it should have. Tonks hadn't said anything that he didn't deserve. And he bit away the nagging urge to run towards his emotional exit sign with an earnest courage, seeing she had just called him on that old tendency.

"No more games, Nymphadora. I promise."

He leaned in and tenderly touched his lips to hers, opening his mouth and prying just a bit farther with a gentle tongue, working his way into the kiss and around her body gently and slowly.

Men had come and gone in Tonks' life. School day crushes, a lover she met on assignment, a live-in boyfriend with lovely thighs, two one-night stands when she was younger and more foolish. "When it's right, you'll know," Emmeline Vance had told her. "The sky will light up like never before." Tonks had never seen sexual fireworks, but when Remus descended on her, hands on her sensitive flesh and his lips pressed to hers in exquisite exploration – there they were – white stars and red explosives swirling and sparkling across the insides of her eyelids. She could almost hear the bottle rockets. And she could definitely feel one.

If he could heal her, put her at ease through his touch, transcend their bodies and offer something stronger and dearer than heat and stimulation, he wanted to provide that. And so he thought only of her and the depth of her affection, begged his ardent love for Tonks to communicate just as passionately through tenderness as hers just had through exasperation.

_Wait for me…wait for me and understand…._

* * *

Tonks woke in the grey dim of encroaching morning to feel every inch of Remus snuggled up behind her, could feel his breath lightly brushing the top of her head in a uniform rhythm, perceived his pulse on her stomach through his palm, long fingers wrapped around her side. 

He rolled sleepily on his back when she turned towards him, and Tonks rubbed one leg across his then raised it shamelessly higher on the next lazy upward stroke. Remus opened his eyes, sleepy but alert, and looked at her a bit shyly. "Sorry, couldn't help it," she whispered with ache in her voice.

"That's one way to get me up….wake me up. I should say wake me up." His voice was low and husky from slumber, and he stretched with a yawn. She admired his long frame through the thin cotton clothes and rubbed her cheek on the pillow when the muscles in his shoulders teased through the shirt as he raised his arms over his head. He immediately curled back to his original position and rested his chin on top of her head.

"Did you sleep well, Remus?"

"Better than I have in a long time. You're much better than a pillow."

She ran a hand through his mussed hair, the soft tangled tresses threading through her fingers.

"I wouldn't have imagined you a pillow hugger."

"My pillows have never suffered from sensory depravation."

She laughed softly.

"When we were at Hogwarts, Sirius kept drawing faces on my pillows and giving them names. Unfortunately, I provided some good photo ops in the mornings. I'm sure Sirius has the ones I didn't destroy in the attic somewhere. Hopefully, they'll surface when we're cleaning and give him a good laugh."

"Maybe if you play your cards right, you can permanently upgrade to something better than a pillow."

"Hmm……can I use a marked deck?"

He glanced at the clock when he heard multiple footfalls and murmured chatter in the hallway as Tonks, wearing his T-shirt and boxers, mentioned that her things were still in the corner bedroom.

"I'll get your overnight bag if you want to take a shower."

"Nnn…I don't want to get up." She looked engrossed in an errant thought and said quietly, "For a minute, I thought it was a dream. That you stayed in here with me."

"Why?"

"Because….." Tonks turned beet red and lay still on the sheets.

Remus brought his chin down to meet her face with a scandalous expression.

"Because why, Nymphadora?" a sexy lilt purring in his lower morning voice.

Her bottom lip tensed at the name, and he didn't think she could possibly get any redder but waited it out a few extra seconds to test his theory.

"Tonks, did you have naughty dreams about me last night?"

Her eyes darted playfully around the room before they met his again, and he studied them intently. No matter what color she chose, they always shone with clarity and honesty when she focused on him. Didn't she deserve some candor in return?

"It's okay," he said softly then grabbed her in a giant bear hug that made her squeal. "I've had dreams about you, too."

Tonks' eyes dragged heavily over his chest and down to his navel where they stopped with a teasing visual touch then brought them back to his face. "Sexual dreams?" she asked with wag of her eyebrows and watched him turn quite red himself.

He looked at a spot on the ceiling when he admitted quietly, "How could I not? Just the sight of you in that 'Weird Sisters' T-shirt makes me hyperventilate."

Since they were due downstairs any minute and he had obviously lost another battle to hide his arousal, Remus needed to steer the conversation. _If we have a first time, it can't be a quickie. It needs to last… an entire weekend. _

"Tonks…..have you seen Moody's new assignment for the order?"

Her smile morphed into a curious gaze as her hair changed from light blonde to deep brown.

"No."

"He'll want to talk to you this morning. He's probably already downstairs."

"What is it?"

"He should tell you. I'll be going away for a few days…And so will you."

Her eyes widened a bit. "They put us on an assignment together?"

Remus nodded.

"With who else.?"

"No one."

"Just us?"

"Yes."

She snuggled into him and nuzzled his neck, her breath tickling him, and although he couldn't see her face, he felt a cheeky little smile.

"……Good. Pack your grey thermals."

"What?"

"Nothing!"

Tonks thought idly that she could build a house in the crook of his neck and live there forever, a happy woman.

"Nymphadora, I'm going to be totally honest with you. If we do not get up at this very moment. I will never leave this bed. I will die here from lack of caloric intake."

* * *

Grimmauld had cleared out within twenty minutes of their arrival downstairs. Harry and the Weasleys floo'ed to Diagon Alley for school books and supplies, and after their briefing with Moody, Tonks accompanied the grizzled auror to the Ministry for a day of work. 

Remus eyed Sirius distractedly from across the kitchen table and tried not to feel grumpy about having guard duty all night, on top of the work he had to do for The Order during the day. He didn't mind the work. In fact, he enjoyed it. But Tonks pervaded his every thought.

Sirius removed an untouched scone from his friend's plate and put an obscene amount of butter on it.

"Pads, you're buttering a SCONE. The thing is practically 90 percent butter to begin with."

"You need it, Moony. You're too thin."

Remus raised an eyebrow at him.

"Get a good aim at me through that glass house? Werewolves have to eat a lot to stay healthy."

"I'm aware of that. I'm also aware that you barely eat."

"I don't have the time."

"Do you eat lunch when you're away?"

"Rarely."

"And you come in late and dinner is always gone. If there were things in the fridge, you'd eat."

"Maybe."

"I can't get you to date. I can't get you to eat...Plan 92 to occupy my time? I'm going to tell Molly about werewolf metabolism and dietary concerns. You're in big trouble, mister."

"Oh, please don't!"

"Well…" He put far less butter on his own scone and licked some off his finger. "Maybe I could refrain from saying anything in exchange for…certain information."

Remus looked at him curiously.

"Where did Tonks sleep last night? Not in the corner bedroom!" he exclaimed, all sweetness and light.

"It was just a humble night's sleep, Sirius."

"A snog or two? An occasional grope? A HARD day's night?"

"Sirius….." Remus sighed and tried to gather his thoughts. "For a first step, last night was a rousing success….or an arousing one. Both really. I feel something I've never felt before…but…."

"But what?"

"I'm a little nervous about….step two."

"Nervous? Like you have butterflies in your stomach? That's just love."

"The butterflies in my stomach are okay. I'm more concerned about the monster in my pocket."

"Tonks is a lucky woman."

"That's not what I mean and you know it….arse. The werewolf comes as part of the package, Sirius. And it's not a 'but wait there's more' incentive. It's more like a hidden disclaimer."

"You're not a used broom, Remus, you're a human being. And she knows all about your disclaimer."

"She's aware of it, but that doesn't mean she understands the reality of it. Familiarity and comprehension are two different things."

"You don't have to lord your Lycanthropy over her like an impending doom. Just let her be happy, for Merlin's sake. She's actually very knowledgeable, and nothing she's learned has flustered her. She's an auror, Remus, not a fifth-year Hufflepuff. Besides, how many relationships have you destroyed by doing this before they even began?"

"It has saved me a lot of heartache."

"Or caused it."

"I took a big step last night, Sirius. A big step for me. Maybe not for the Sex God of Hogwarts."

"I know, Moony." He leaned over the table and squeezed Lupin's good shoulder. "It's just so much fun to try and talk sense into you when you let me."

"I always let you try."

"And you'd think the fun would be gone by now."

"It's still there?"

Sirius nodded emphatically.

"I can only hope you'll find something else shiny to occupy your time."

"I don't know, you and Tonks are both pretty shiny."

Remus sipped his tea and thought for a moment.

"I'm not trying to mess this up, but Tonks needs to understand more about the reality of my life before she makes any decisions. It's her choice now. I won't say 'no' if she really wants me, but I couldn't talk to her about the Lycanthropy last night. It was so good to have her close. And she already had me cornered about……sharing feelings."

"OH no!"

"Yes."

"God forbid you share your feelings!"

"I was in the hot seat."

"The woman is insane!"

Remus laughed and flashed Sirius a smile that bespoke his love for Tonks. And Sirius realized that was the first time he had seen it expressed so freely.

"Has she seen that face? Tips from the master. She needs to see that face."

Remus' smile faded as his mind succumbed to an emotional dread that he couldn't name, and Sirius saw the fear in his friend's face. He pushed the scone out of the way and moved his firewhiskey glass to Remus' spot and poured a small amount into it.

"Remus, you've never let your happiness depend on another person. Jesus, you've never let anything get that far. You're not going to lose her because of the Lycanthropy, I can promise you that."

"If she'll agree to it and I can get trustworthy wolfsbane again….and silver restraints, I want her to see a transformation. And I have books she needs to read."

"The Lycanthropy books you have stored in the sitting room?"

Remus nodded.

"She's read them all."

"What?"

"Every single one of them. I can't believe you didn't know that. She's been reading them for the past year."

"Even.." He swallowed. "Even the one on genetics and medical concerns…..with the chapter on…libido?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yes, Rem-rod, ALL of the books in the sitting room. And, if you must know, she's asked me a freakin' lorry load of questions on top of the book stuff, and I answered every one of them….very honestly and thoroughly, to the best of my ability….. Except the question about what you looked like naked. But, in her defense, she asked me that at the Halloween party when she was very drunk. I told her your body was none of her business. If you recall, she did quote me on that a few days ago in the kitchen….when she was drunk again…and trying to picture you naked...again. Remus, my cousin has been drunk twice in the last year, and both times she was after you. If that doesn't convince you it's love, her wading through 3,000 pages of dry Lycanthropy books should do it."

Sirius leaned forward and added with ardent enthusiasm, "I also told her about that Bones woman who said you were the best fuck she'd had in years."

Remus looked mortified.

"But in MY defense, as well, I was totally wasted when I divulged that."

"Sirius, that was 14 years ago! And that Bones girl, as you so vaguely call her, is a judge now. I'm sure she wouldn't want you spreading around her nubile trysts with randy werewolves…..I can't believe you told her about that. This is….I'm…..That has nothing to do with Tonks and me."

Sirius grabbed the firewhiskey glass from Remus and filled it to the brim. "Oh, lighten up. She was about to give up on you, so I threw her a bone. You weren't doing it, so I told her about someone you….threw one to!" Sirius smiled, pleased with himself.

"I can't believe you, sometimes."

"You're glad I told her."

"No, I'm not. I'm really not."

"Yes are you."

"I'm NOT."

"Ohhh yes you so are."

"Yes I am….Merlin knows why."

"That's the 'but wait there's more' part of the advertisement, Moony."

Remus looked at him with a wavering glance that started uncertainly and ended affectionately. He poured the glass of firewhiskey back in the bottle as he got up to leave.

"Promise me you won't drink any more today?"

"Only if you promise to wander around in a daze thinking of my cousin…..and bring me back chocolate."

"Done and Done."

Fulfilling half his pledge to Padfoot, Remus left in his own little world, forgot his coat and walked for several blocks in the freezing cold before he even registered the inclement weather.

Sometimes, love is warmer than tweed.

_

* * *

_

_**tbc**_

_By the way, would anyone be offended if I jacked this story up to R in a future chapter? If so, I can leave it at PG-13 with no problem._

_Hope this installment wasn't too fluffy! Let me know your thoughts! _


	7. The Little Moment

_Author's Notes: GASP! Rane updated! Please forgive me for this terribly slow update. I'll admit that "Random Acts" took over all my creative energy for a time. _

_Some underage readers asked for this story to remain as is ratings wise, but I could write a separate rated "M" Remus/Tonks piece in the future if anyone is interested. There is somevery lightpetting in this chapter, though, so be forewarned if you don't like that kind of thing. _

"_Petrificus Totalus," "Stupefy," and "Ferula" are all canon spells. _

_The necklace Tonks mentions refers to the stone discussed in the one-shot "Howlite." _

_The chocolate reference is a nod to an excerpt from a medical journal in the Sam Vimes one-shot "Civilized." _

_I wish you all a wonderful summer! Take care, and thank you for reading. It means a lot to me that I can share something, even if it's fluffy. _

* * *

"**_Exhaust the little moment. Soon it dies, and be it gash or gold, it will not come again in this identical disguise."_**

_**Gwendolyn Brooks**_

**Gash or Gold**

**Chapter 7: "The Little Moment"**

Remus walked into the sitting room at midnight to find Tonks passed out on the couch and Sirius pensively watching her, a glass of firewhiskey hanging limply in his tired hand.

A large number of papers and notebooks lay about her, dark brown tresses framed her heart-shaped face. She was beautiful when she slept. And…well, beautiful when she was awake.

"She have a long day at work?"

"Mm.." Sirius murmured into his whiskey glass. "Trying to finish up things before you two go on assignment in the morning."

Remus gently removed a notebook from her hand and carefully organized the papers splayed about her. She looked up, bleary-eyed, for a moment before stretching out on the sofa and putting her head in his lap with a murmur. One hand curled about his knee as she nestled into him and sighed. Remus looked up at Sirius with a smile then glanced to where the magic settee had laid in waiting just two days ago.

"Are Tonks and I in the wrong place, Padfoot? Isn't there a snog couch for two around here with our name on it?"

"Actually, it's a shag settee."

"Ah."

"Sometimes things are magic on their own, Moony. You'll have to figure that out yourself."

Sirius rubbed irritably at one eye and downed the contents of his glass, planning a final attack on Remus' stubbornness that had been brewing in his mind all day. Then Tonks stirred, and Sirius decided it was too late to talk about love.

They were leaving very early in the morning for a stake-out and didn't need any extra issues . He hadn't had a job (or a sex life, for that matter) in quite some time, but he remembered the difficulty of juggling all the complexities of long work hours and relationships.

Instead, he poured honey-colored liquid to the brim of a second glass and refilled his own, as well. Remus wondered how much of the bottle had disappeared in one sitting as Sirius handed him the drink and leaned forward for a quick toast, nodding to Tonks.

"May your mission be a success, and may you both return home safe and sound."

"I'll drink to that," Remus said as their glasses clinked softly. And when they had both downed the contents, Sirius stood up shakily and dropped a kiss on Remus' head before shuffling out of the room, leaving Lupin alone with the sleeping auror in his lap.

* * *

For five days, Remus and Tonks kept furtive guard from a small invisibility tent overlooking a clearing in the middle of Rookwood forest. Below, a dilapidated shack sat tenuously amidst the tall grass, looking as if the next whisper of wind would send it crashing to the forest floor. But according to informants for the Order, this was the location of countless Deatheater meetings. 

They had planned to return after five days, but Remus felt one more day would prove worth their while. And Tonks readily agreed. Bad food, very close quarters, and general camping discomfort hadn't dampened her joy of spending time with Remus, who currently had a slightly perturbed look on his face and twitched his shoulders.

"What's wrong?" she said with a hint of amusement.

"Nothing. It's just…I think something got on me." He felt over his shoulder and twitched again before taking a swig from the canteen and looking up at the half moon. "No matter."

"On your back?"

"Yeah. It's nothing. I'm sure when we get back from this odd assignment, we'll both be picking off thorns and little things for an hour."

"Let me see." She scooted behind him a bit and pulled his shirt out of its neat tuck and pushed it over his shoulders.

Claw scars on the cusp of each shoulder wreathed the pristine skin in the center of his back where the cruel wolf couldn't reach. She ran her hand across him searchingly and didn't miss how he huddled to hide the damage on his chest and stomach from her. Eventually, though, Remus' eyes searched the sky with a smile, as he felt her hand roam gently across his back.

"Tonks, are you looking for something that jumped on me or just pawing me?"

"I'm pawing you while I'm looking for something."

"Oh, okay."

She removed the tiny little seed tick that bit him in the small of his back, whispered an anti-infection spell and touched the place with her wand. When she scratched at it lightly with her fingers, Remus straightened his back leaning into the scratch then shimmied his right leg like a dog, as she reached up to scritch him behind an ear.

"Ohh, even better!"

"There, it's gone," she said, pulling his shirt back down and rubbing his back briefly before she came around to sit back by him.

He looked at her, almost shyly and smiled then looked back down at the small hut below.

"Thank you. Let me know if you get one later. I'll help."

"What if it's on my bum?"

He laughed but didn't say anything.

"Well? I need to know about these things. We know what we're going to do about Deatheaters already, so this is unanswered information."

"Tonks, you might find me paying off some random grifting tick in the forest later to jump you in the middle of the night."

"I can think of better things to jump me in the middle of the night."

Tonks cut her eyes towards him with a smile and saw his huge grin, but he didn't take his eyes off the hut. Suddenly, she saw alarm in his face and turned to look at the clearing.

A lone figure pushed determinedly through the high grass as he headed toward the hut. Dim moonlight lit both man and building and Lupin put a spyglass to his eye to see the man clearly. He wore a coat and trousers of coarse cloth, his face unshaven and sharp around the edges. Lupin recorded a picture of him when he turned furtively to see if anyone had followed him. And when he turned around once more, the man tapped the hut with his hand, and it shimmered and disappeared. Then, without a beat, he dropped a small stone, huddled into his coat pockets and followed his trail out of the heavy grass and back into the woods.

"He left a summoning beacon when he activated the hut's invisibility charm. I imagine we'll have guests very soon," Tonks whispered.

One by one, they watched the Deatheaters arrive, some emerging from the brush, obviously arriving by portkey, others flying in by broom or apparating. The hut had no fireplace, so no one could floo inside. And wizards couldn't apparate into a invisible edifice so everyone attending could be duly recorded.

Tonks whispered notes into a vox recorder while Remus photographed the face of every Deatheater in attendance.

"Gaston Delacroix," he murmured with a bit of disgust. "Potions professor at Beauxbatons."

After two hours, the meeting quickly disbanded and the hut went as quiet as it had been for the five previous days. Remus put away the spyglass carefully and sat on his haunches, thinking about their next step.

"Tonks, we have to do a recon on that building. If there's anything there that would help the Order, it needs to be recorded."

"Agreed."

After casting invisibility charms, they furtively worked their way down the overhang and through the tall grass, aware that their sounds and the grass that parted in their wake couldn't be masked. But when they walked into the still-charmed hut, the original man apparated into the center of the room. Tonks' eyes went wide.

"That's impossible."

The man's right arm rippled from flesh to silver as he lunged towards Lupin with animalistic speed and snatched him by the neck. Remus felt the grip run through him like lightning as he struggled to point his wand.

"Petrificus Totalus!"

Nothing happened.

"Stupefy!"

The man only strengthened his grip on Remus' neck, as Tonks quickly grabbed a large rusty metal bar from the hay-strewn floor and slammed it into the back of the man's head. Lupin watched the mutant's eyes cross before he fell forward, knocking both of them to the ground. Remus shoved the man on his back with a push of his boot. "Silver hands…and impervious to magic," he murmured, reaching up to feel his blistered neck.

Tonks rushed forward to help him up, her heart still racing. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, thanks to your handiness with large metal objects," he laughed.

Remus fumbled through the man's pockets and found a wallet with Muggle money and a driver's license. No wand. He recorded the license with the spyglass and looked down at the man's hands but didn't touch them, pushed open one eyelid with the tip of his wand to look for silver pupils but found plain hazel staring into nothing.

"He's not fully human, Tonks. But I think he used to be." He pushed up the man's sleeve and saw the Deatheater mark burned into his forearm. "We'll need to get out of here before he's summoned."

"There doesn't appear to be anything left behind from the meeting," Tonks said giving the room a quick once-over with her wand.

Remus took her by the hand and headed towards the door.

"Then let's get out of here."

They ran half a mile into the forest, finally reaching the location of the first portkey, which Tonks immediately tripped over, falling heavily to the ground as her ankle caught between it and the heavy roots of a large tree with a sickening snap.

"Tonks!"

"Blimey, what did I trip on!"

Remus uncovered a very large and very rusty teapot. "The portkey." When she leaned over the leg in pain, Remus found two nearby limbs and with a whisper of _ferula_ put the leg into a neat splint before he gently picked her up.

They took the first portkey, then a second , then a third, followed by two separate floo networks to cover their tracks. Finally, they arrived at the last floo, located in an abandoned bookstore off Diagon Alley.

"Nymphadora Tonks spies on Deatheaters and fights Muggle mutants, only to be foiled by her own feet."

"Remus, it's not funny!"

"I know," he said, holding her a bit closer in his arms. And as they entered the last floo, he threw a dash of powder in front of them and said emphatically, "St. Mungo's!"

* * *

After a very long Order meeting in the Grimmauld kitchen, Remus found Sirius sitting in his room, looking out the window with a bottle of Zagwart in one hand and an empty bottle of firewhiskey on the small table close by. Remus kept walking until he was close enough to feel the heat coming off Sirius, could smell the alcohol practically emanating from his pores. He could also see the lines of dried tears turning in a crooked row where they hit the gaunt edge of his cheekbones. 

"You weren't at the meeting tonight."

"Nooope." Sirius clipped and raised the bottle to his lips, but Remus grabbed it deftly and slammed it down on the table, the clear fluid splashing up out of the opening and dampening his hand.

"No more drinking. Not like this. Do you understand me?" Remus' voice was sharp and dangerous, but Sirius still heard the undertone of worry that meant he only acted like this when he felt it was the only card left to play.

Where the old Sirius would have normally played games, shrugged off his failings, found a funny angle to his predicament, current Sirius no longer had the strength for anything but the truth.

"I tried to break out and look for you," he admitted. "No one would go. These fucking bastards."

He could tell Remus didn't understand. His brow furrowed and he opened his mouth like he wanted to speak but nothing came out.

"I was worried. You two didn't come back in time. And everyone decided it wasn't wise to go looking for you. They sent two of the three people I have in my life that I call family. And you hadn't come back. You were due back yesterday. You didn't come back."

Sirius reached up to brush new tears out of his eyes but the drunken hand landed on his chin sloppily and came back down. And when he leaned forward, the world went black, but a split second before the haze turned to darkness, he saw Lupin's hands moving forward to catch him.

* * *

Sirius let glaring light shine through the cracked slit of one open eye. Morning. His head felt leaden, his nerves shooting pain to a burning center between his eyes. 

He saw the hazy outline of a body in the chair and tried to focus, knew from the sandy hair and brown jacket that Remus sat beside him.

"Good morning, sunshine," Remus said with a wry smile and reached to hand him an already poured cup that sat on the nightstand.

"Please drink this now so you don't leave a vomit trail all the way to the bathroom. I'm wearing my good shoes today."

Sirius reached clumsily to take it, and Remus guided his hands to the cup and held them to it for a moment.

"I'm sorry, Sirius. Sometimes I don't stop to think that…" He sighed. "That people worry."

"As the person who worries about everything, you should."

"I know," he smiled.

Sirius sat up and finished drinking the potion with a grimace then handed the empty cup back to Remus.

"I'm getting ready to pick up Tonks at St. Mungo's and see her home….Will you be alright?"

Sirius nodded.

"Do you need anything?"

"I need a bath, a plate of curry, a breathmint, and a woman, in that order."

Remus laughed. "I can draw you a bath and find curry and mints, but number four is a tall order, Padfoot."

"Sounds like you're going to pick one up for yourself, though."

"Sirius…"

Sirius shook his head and put his hands up with a wary smile.

"I'm through trying to get you two together. If you can't figure it out for yourself by now, I don't know what to do."

"You've given up on me?" Lupin hoped the amusement in his voice showed he wanted to keep the conversation light, but Sirius pushed it in another direction.

"No…Remus, never. I'm just…I'm afraid you've given up on yourself. And there's nothing I can do about that, if you have."

"I could say the same about you."

"I've been imprisoned for a long time, Moony. But I had no choice. Your incarceration? It's self-chosen. And you're the only one with the key. Open the door. Let Tonks in. Stop….isolating yourself. That's the last of it. I'm through meddling."

Sirius lay back down and away from Remus, who shifted in his seat, unsure of how to respond.

"Do you want to know what happened with the assignment?"

"No. You're both back. You're both going to be okay. That's all I need to know."

"One of the Beauxbatons professors has turned. And a _Daily Prophet_ employee from Ravenclaw house."

Suddenly, Sirius turned back to face him.

"I said I didn't want to know!"

Remus nodded quietly and looked down.

"This war will go on and on, Remus. Don't you see? I can't focus on the darkness. I can't. The past twelve years? They're all dark. I have to look for something better. And even the good things…all we have are the little moments. Little moments that come and go…I just….." Sirius closed his eyes. "I just want to sleep…for now."

"Then sleep, Padfoot."

Remus watched Sirius until his breathing became steady and deep then pulled the covers up around him protectively before he got up to leave. On the way out, though, he drew him a heat-spelled bath then took the Zagwart bottle to the bathroom sink and sent the clear, strong fluid swirling into the drain. But as the remaining dreg began to slosh out, Remus raised the bottle to his lips and swallowed it decisively.

He could easily admit that Sirius was right. He had given up on himself, at least as far as love was concerned. After all, it hurt less to live without something if you could convince yourself it was an impossible thing to have. Quite rational, really. And now things had become complicated. Remus sighed as he quietly closed the door to Sirius' room.

_Nymphadora… _

* * *

Tonks limped slightly on her newly healed leg and collapsed onto the living room couch in her London flat. The minute she was down, Remus pulled a knitted throw off the arm of the couch and tucked her in it. 

"How's the leg feel?"

"Actually fine. I'm just tired. For some reason, Skele-Gro really drains the system."

"Yes, I know all about Skele-Gro."

"What have you broken?"

"Uhm…just about everything."

"Oh," Tonks said in a small voice. "Sometimes I don't think before I say things. I should have known that," she mumbled dismally.

He sat on the edge of the couch where she lay and squeezed her hand, ducked his head a bit to meet her lowered eyes.

"No matter."

She ran her thumb idly across his knuckles and felt him tense just a bit as he withdrew his hand and cleared his throat.

"Are you hungry? I promised Sirius I'd bring him back some curry, so we could get some take-out, as well."

"That sounds good…. Molly came by St. Mungo's this morning. She told me you stayed up with Sirius last night, after the meeting."

"He was worried about us, that extra day we were out. He's still very fragile about some things."

Tonks nodded. "How did the Order meeting go?"

"As well as could be expected. It's good to have new information, but at the same time….Delacroix…He and Fletcher were good friends…It reminds me of the first war a bit, wondering who you can trust. Certainly no one suspected him as a Deatheater."

Tonks looked at him intently, her brow furrowed in thought. "I'm sure we'll be going back again to observe later meetings."

"Perhaps….or someone else will."

Tonks suddenly had a look of shocked embarrassment and glanced at her sore leg before inquiring, "Remus…did you tell the Order about this?"

He nodded. "Everyone sends their best and wanted me to pass on thanks for a job well done."

"Right….Tonks and her two left feet."

"Not at all."

"They didn't laugh, did they?"

"Nymphadora." Remus had an amused grin on his face that Tonks didn't share. "You fell during our escape. And I told them as much."

"You didn't tell them I tripped over the portkey after we were out of danger?"

He gave her a gentle smile and straightened the edge of her jumper on her shoulder. "We came out of the assignment with much more information than we thought we'd get. The mission was a success. And you're fine. That's all my matters. No one was laughing. They were relieved that you're okay. And they all agreed you're the person to have around when a mutated, silver-handed Muggle impervious to magic is strangling a werewolf."

He got up to stoke the fire.

"Now, what would you like to eat? If you don't want Indian, I'll pick up something else for us."

When he turned around, he found Tonks standing very close in front of him, nearly pinning him to the table with her body.

"You're always looking out for me, even when you pretend that you're not." She reached forward to take one of his hands.

"Nymphadora-"

"You know better than that."

"It's a beautiful name for a beautiful woman."

The warmth that spread through Tonks when he said that gave her courage to ask, "Remus, what do you really think of me? Of us?"

He leaned back into the table and stared into the fire for a moment then studied her hand in his.

"I think you're beautiful when you show your true self, you're smart and brash, and an excellent auror. You're one of the dearest and kindest friends I've ever had. And you're way too hard on yourself sometimes. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. As far as….as far as the two of us…I feel…."

Tonks' eyebrows went up just slightly and she smiled with a hint of amusement in her eyes.

"I…." he sighed, recalling Sirius talking of little moments and Tonks imploring him just a week ago to share his feelings as she lay in bed, wrapped around him.

"I know you like me, Tonks. I'm not sure why, but….I'm trying to…"

Remus blushed and as he stared into the throw blanket around her shoulders, his fingers playing idly around the bright-colored fabric.

"….I just want you to know that…"

"Remus, I finally got you to stop running, but now you look like you're caught in a trap. This isn't an ambush."

He smiled.

"You have nothing to be afraid of with me."

"I'd like to tell you that I'm not…but I'd be lying."

"Why am I any different from your other flames?"

"Other flames? Tonks," he looked away and shook his head with a laugh before gauging her with mirth dancing in his eyes. "I hate to tell you this, but the only other woman to carry a torch for me was part of an angry mob."

Before she could stop herself, Tonks laughed then shoved a hand over her mouth. "That's not funny!" She laughed again in spite of herself.

"Well, it's true. There haven't been many loves in my life….Although my hand and I have been engaged for some time now, pun intended."

She laughed again then realized she was doing exactly what he wanted – pulling away from the levity of what he needed to share by making light of it.

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what? Make you laugh?"

"Remus…"

He bit the inside of his cheek and let his smile fade. "Tonks…truly, there haven't been many women in my life….and…I guess I've ran for so long, standing still feels….dangerous. For both of us."

Before she knew what she had done, Tonks leaned forward and brushed her lips against his. He pulled away, a hitch in his breath at her sudden advance then leaned into her, allowing the kiss to continue and deepen. But as she touched him, she felt the reluctance in his body, trepidation in his small movements.

"You're safe with me, Remus. I won't hurt you, I promise."

"You're turning the tables. It's your safety I worry about."

She ran her hands soothingly across his back, pressed her forehead into the soft, worn fabric of his shirt.

"I'm not worried, Remus. You shouldn't be, either."

Another slow kiss, a hand running gently along his arm.

"You're too naïve about all of this. You…don't know."

"Remus, I've never known so much about a person's body that I've hardly touched…." She brushed her lips once more against his and whispered into his mouth, "Your books…"

"You've read them all… " he said, returning the kiss then pulling back to look into her eyes with a steady gaze, breathing heavily. "Sirius told me."

Her hand grazed the leather strand peaking out of his collar.

"I know you wear this necklace, because Howlite protects you from silver burns. It probably saved your life last night, you know."

He nodded.

"I know your love of chocolate is a chemical predisposition."

He smiled broadly in spite of himself, then his Adam's apple bobbed and his face flushed when she added, "I know your libido just days before a full moon is nearly insatiable, but the day after transformation you could care less."

"The rest of the time it's normal," he assured her.

"I know. I've read them all, Remus. All the books."

Tonks licked her bottom lip decisively as she felt part of him pressing into her, felt the warmth flowing from his body as she looked down carefully and moved her hands farther down his back to rest them along the edge of his belt.

"Seems to be kicking in normally as we speak."

Then two fingers popped open the top button on his oxford and worked downward slowly, one at a time, the buttons working through their worn eyelets.

"Tonks…" Remus swallowed and looked slightly afraid, his eyes tracing hers.

"Let me see you..Don't be afraid. I'm not afraid of your scars."

"Tonks…you don't want to see me."

"I do…"

Under the open shirt, Tonks ran a palm slowly across his stomach and up his chest to push one edge of the oxford off his shoulder.

His breath caught and hitched when she leaned forward and touched one of the angry welts with her soft lips as her hands wandered slowly across his frame, took in the light ridges and valleys that represented years of pain bourne in solitude.

"Tonks.."

"Why don't you understand how beautiful you are? You're beautiful."

He let out a small frustrated exhale from the back of his throat and looked up at the ceiling. His self-restraint was about to break.

"I'm not…I'm…how can you touch me like this?"

"Remus…"

Her lips trailed, moving slowly across his chest, stopping to drop a soft kiss on his sore shoulder as he timidly reached up to cup the back of her head with one trembling hand.

"Remus Lupin, I think you're beautiful when you show your true self, you're smart and brash, and an excellent professor. You're one of the dearest and kindest friends I've ever had. And you're way too hard on yourself sometimes. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."

And with that, he dipped his head to kiss her passionately and accept her love.

They didn't make it to the bed.

They didn't even make it to the couch.

But, thankfully, the rug was terribly comfortable.

And for the first time in many years, Remus Lupin let his guard down long enough to embrace things he thought he could never have. How many little moments had he let pass in his life? But this was the only one that mattered now. This perfect moment, exhausted. And unfounded fears of rejection and revulsion disappeared into the warm embrace of the greatest possible treasure – true love.

_**

* * *

**__**tbc**_

_Author's Note: There will be a short epilogue. Hope you've enjoyed reading! Please let me know what you think. _


	8. epilogue

_Author's Note: Just a short, sweet finale to this story. Hope no one chokes on a fluff ball ;). _

* * *

**Gash or Gold**

**"Epilogue"**

"_So we're okay, we're fine  
Baby, I'm here to stop your crying  
Chase all the ghosts from your head  
I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed  
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart  
Look at them together then we'll take them apart  
Adding up the total of a love that's true  
Multiply life by the power of two."_

_From "The Power of Two" – Indigo Girls_

For Sirius' 37th birthday, Remus secretly worked an hour or two every day for three months to conjure an _impenetrus_ screen - an invisible barrier to cordon off property and make it impossible to detect or penetrate with dark magic. Or even light magic, for that matter. His final choice of grounds was a fifty-acre patch of land in the countryside covered in old-growth trees, green grass, and a beautiful crystal clear spring-fed lake with an admirable tree swing.

One-thousand four hundred and seventeen spells put in place over three months and working together for only ten hours before the screen would collapse, taking another three months to secure. What a birthday present! But when Sirius kept saying in awe that it had been too much work, Remus just said, "It's twelve years of birthday presents, all wrapped into one, Padfoot."

Sirius didn't want to think about what would happen in seven more hours. He just wanted to enjoy hour number three to the fullest. He smiled contentedly as he stretched out on the large blanket spread amidst the soft green grass. He had shucked off his shirt and basked on the edge of sleep, sunlight falling on his starved skin.

All around him, happy chatter, mirthful yelling and splashing water abound.

Harry ran over from the lake and flicked dripping wet arms on his sleeping godfather.

"Sirius! You're missing out. Get up and come play Dragonball with us." He pushed him with a wet foot and Sirius laughed without opening his eyes.

"Give me an hour to soak this up. Do you know how long its been since I've felt the sunlight?"

Harry flopped down on the blanket and looked up at mild blue sky then over to the lake where the Weasley twins were chasing Hermoine Granger with enormous Muggle squirt guns. Most of The Order had come (except Snape, who was notably absent) and flitted about here and there, all having a wonderful time.

And on the far edge away from everyone and obviously trying to hide, he saw Remus and Tonks under the tree.

Harry's eyes went wide with shock and anticipation.

Remus rested a hand on the bark above her and leaned in when Tonks hooked a hand loosely onto the top of his long shorts and drew him in for a kiss. And when their bodies met, Harry laughed, surprised to almost find tears in his eyes. They were finally together! It was perfect. At this moment, everything was perfect.

He leaned over Sirius to whisper in his ear but practically yelled, "Tonks and Remus! They're…they're finally…uhm…seeing each other!"

Sirius cracked opened his eyes a bit to give him a sly grin then nodded.

"I sort of thought Remus would want to tell you. I don't think he's told anyone but me so far, though. It's only been a few weeks."

"I just knew it would work out!" Harry looked back at the couple. "They're perfect together."

Sirius sat up with a grunt and rested forearms on his knees, smiling. "They are, aren't they?"

After a few more kisses, Tonks' hands had trailed low down the werewolf's back, when she suddenly saw the two eyeing them. She whispered to Remus, who turned and looked then put his arm around Tonks as they began to walk in Sirius and Harry's direction.

"Uh oh, I think we got caught looking. Act casual." Sirius leaned back on the blanket and Harry stifled a snicker.

"I think it's too late for that," he murmured with a smile as the couple reached the blanket and sat down. Harry thought it hilarious that Remus could look both embarrassed and blissful at the same time.

"I'm sorry I hadn't told you, Harry. I just hadn't found the right time."

"It's okay. I sorta like the way I found out," Harry said with a devilish grin and pushed at his former professor's knee playfully. "Come down to the lake! We're getting ready to play Dragonball in a bit, and you can be on our team." He had already jumped up and started towards the water when he turned around to add, "We're skins though, so leave your shirt."

Then a second after he said it, Harry froze and blushed crimson, recalling the scene in the kitchen not a month ago when Remus professed that he wore long shirts to hide his scars. He shifted on his feet and gestured lamely.

"Or…uh…you could be on Fred and George's team. Or maybe they'd switch and let us be shirts…I…you don't have to play if you don't want.."

But Harry beamed from ear to ear when Remus gave Tonks a smile, peeled off his long sleeved oxford and dropped it on the grass by her side then leaned forward to give her a gentle kiss before getting up to follow Harry.

"Go! Have fun." She squeezed his leg and pushed him toward the water.

Remus moved gracefully for such a tall man, his long navy swim trunks clinging nicely to his frame, the sunlight gleaming on his sandy hair and pale shoulders. Tonks felt herself warm just watching him walk while wearing so little, knowing how wonderful that body felt pressed to her, the feel of his soft skin and the underlying lithe muscles emanating heat into her trailing hands. They'd already made love twice that day, but she could barely wait to get him back to her flat and peel off those trunks.

_Remus Lupin, you are so gorgeous…you have nothing to be ashamed of. _

"Tonks!" Awestruck, Sirius watched Remus run the final few feet to the water with Harry and dive into the lake. "You're a miracle worker. Seriously. Did you know that Remus hasn't taken off his shirt in public since he was six-years-old?"

But Tonks didn't even hear him. She was still eyeing Remus hungrily as he waded through the waist deep water and dove under then came back up and ran a hand slowly over his water-plastered hair.

"Tonks? TONKS!"

"What, Sirius!"

"You minx," he drawled, leaning back to gauge her with a sly grin. "You were watching him like a starving man eyes a lasagna."

"Oh, I'd take Remus over lasagna any day, even if I were starving."

"Mmhmm, SO! How's your sex life, cousin? Do I even need to ask, with a comment like that?"

Tonks didn't look even slightly scandalized. "Sirius, my sex life is unbelievably fantastic."

"I figured it was," he smiled. "Amelia Bones is an honest woman."

"I'd rather you didn't tell that story to anyone else. I don't plan on relinquishing him during my lifetime. Ever. We…complete each other, Sirius. In a way I thought I'd never experience. I love him."

Sirius sat up and studied her carefully then squeezed her hand, a broad smile erupting across his face.

"Good."

"So, Mr. Black! You'll have to find something else to occupy your time, now that your grand experiment to get us together is over!"

"What grand experiment?"

Tonks broke into a very good round of Sirius Black impersonations.

"'Toooonks, Remus won't be back 'til the morning! Take his bed for the night!'"

"'Tonks, take this potion up to Remus!. He's reading in the chair!'"

Sirius scoffed.

"PLUS, Remus told me about the magic settee. And the love potion you ended up taking by accident. AND the hallway clock with the cupid spell!"

Sirius shrugged noncommittally. "I don't take any credit for you two. You made it happen."

"But we're giving you credit whether you want it or not. Thank you, cousin." Tonks said affectionately then leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek.

"You're welcome," he replied, looking more peaceful than Tonks had seen him since his return. He glanced over to the lake for a moment then decisively got up from the blanket and stretched.

"Well, I'm going to go dunk a werewolf until he cries for mercy. I haven't done that in…oh..fourteen years!"

Tonks lay back on the blanket and smiled to hear, not too long after Sirius' departure, jovial screams and yelling from the lake.

"Do you give?"

"Argh! Sirius!"

She sat up on her elbows just in time to see the entire Weasley brood and Harry jumping to pull Sirius off Lupin and giving him a taste of his own medicine.

"I'm being attacked! Molly! Call your army off me!"

"Good job, boys!" Molly called from the makeshift veranda.

It was a small seized moment of frivolity and happiness in the midst of war. And they had all needed it badly.

Most of The Order stayed in the lake until the last sliver of sun touched the water. And right before serving a large picnic dinner, Molly took some quick photos. Her favorite was the triumphant Dragonball team (three to two, their favor) standing on the bank, disheveled and a bit sunburned, arms around bare shoulders -- Remus, Sirius, Ron and Harry, looking so much like James the image through the viewfinder gave her chills.

And in the final, waning hour of the_ impenetrus_ screen's efficacy, Remus eyed the tree house balcony on the property edge. Kids had played in it all day, but he had made furtive and personal plans to view the night sky from the top before they left. Remus climbed it easily then rubbed his bark-scratched hands together and looked up at the night sky, wistfully drinking in the cupped crescent of the waning moon, its faint light showering the cool night air.

_I have to find Tonks, have to ask her tonight. Here…in this beautiful place._

For once in his life, Remus felt like he was the one who had something to impart, no longer feeling the desperate need to protect his own emotions from the walloping he was always so sure they would suffer. He felt open, amassed in a love he had yet to adequately return. And it was time to let her know how he felt.

Suddenly, soft gentle hands wrapped around his middle, and Tonks' cheek rested in the small of his back, hands running lightly across his stomach.

"Sickle for your thoughts," she said softly.

"How'd you get up here!" he chirped.

"Same way you did, monkey boy. Although I don't think I got up here with as much grace by a long shot."

"I'm glad the _impenetrus_ is still up. I was so lost in thought…if you were a Deatheater, I'd be toast."

He turned and leaned on one of the tree's sturdy limbs and she rested her head on his shoulder, looking up at the night sky with him. They stood in quiet companionship for several minutes, breeze blowing gently across them as Tonks closed her eyes in contentment.

"Maybe these moments, between duty shifts and attacks and meetings are all we'll ever have, Tonks," he murmured quietly, chin resting on her head.

"Remus, there's never a right time to fall in love. There's only the moment it happens. Nothing more."

"Moments…."

In the still quiet of the night, with nothing but a gentle rush of leaves brushing together high above in the trees and the low, throaty call of frogs in the nearby lake, Remus knew the time was right – to say the things he felt, to open himself completely to this woman who had given him so much love, so much hope.

"You know…I truly love you…like I've never loved anyone before. Or ever will….."

"I feel the same way."

Remus picked up his head to look at her carefully.

"Really?"

Tonks heard the need for reassurance in his quiet voice and gave him a slightly chastising look.

"Absolutely. How could I not?" She reached up on her toes to kiss the tip of his nose, trying to lighten the moment then snuggled once again into his damp shirt. "I've never been a patient person, but you were well worth the wait."

When he laughed, he felt her grin into the fabric and looked down at her.

"Worth the wait, was I?"

"Mmhmm…definitely."

"….I'm sorry I kept you waiting. It was….silly of me….stupid of me to be afraid."

"We made it happen on our own terms, Remus. In our own time. Because we loved each other for…"

"For much longer than we were willing to admit?"

"Mmhmm," she murmured, so happy to have him close, to be with him in this lovely place.

"Tonks…" Remus took a huge breath and steeled himself. "Would…..would you ever consider marrying me? I mean…just as a possibility…when all this madness has ended?"

He tentatively reached out a long, slender hand to find hers and she readily took it, fighting back immediate tears of joy as she looked up at him and whispered, "A million times over."

"HEY! Are there two lovebirds nesting in this tree?" They both peeked through the branches below to see Sirius calling them and The Order breaking camp to leave in the background.

"We're coming down!" Tonks called, tears running down her face as she gave him "the look" and kissed him passionately. Remus found it amazing that in a few short weeks of physical intimacy, he had already identified "the look" that meant she wanted him naked and in her bed as soon as possible. He had grown to truly adore and anticipate "The Look." He had actually been waiting for it all day long.

As they climbed down from the tree, Tonks said giddily, "I'm going to go tell Molly!"

It was then he realized that she meant it. She actually meant it. Having a woman's unconditional love was going to be hard to get used to. And even harder to accept, he realized.

_Today is making up for a very shitty decade, _he thought with sardonic bliss.

Tonks jumped the final two feet from the tree and hugged Sirius until he screeched then let him go and ran to camp, tripping halfway there and falling before she got up and continued.

Sirius watched her with a laugh.

"What were you two talking about up there, Moony? Not the finer points of Dragonball!"

Remus chuckled and threw an arm around Sirius as they walked, pulled him closer and planted a kiss above his ear.

"Thank you."

"Thank me? For what?"

"Sirius, what do you think about being my best man?"

_**finis**_

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_Author's Note: Well, that was it guys! Thank you SO much for going on this journey with me. This was my first fanfiction endeavor. It was great fun to write it and even more fun to share. _

_**A very very special thanks** to everyone who reviewed this story (and to any future reviewers, as well!) In the end, reviews are what inspire me to keep writing, even more so than my muse, who has a tendency to be capricious and lazy ;). _

_I might write a rated M sequel that follows the new relationship between Remus and Tonks, wolfsbane-related changes in Lupin's Lycanthropy, and also contains a subplot involving the return of Voldemort's mutant Muggles. It would also deal with what it's like for two people in love to both hold dangerous jobs._

_Peace to all. _

_Rane_


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